Marcus life

backing in

2012-01-26T21:24:00.002-07:00

most people who have driveways or parking spots to park their car at the end of the day do not have the luxury or having a "drive through" spot. you need to stop in your garage, stall, or spot. In the morning when it is time to drive again you must back out your vehicle and start your day. How come hardly anyone backs in when parking? either way at some point you're going to have to drive in reverse. I try to back in when parking. here is why, 1) when you hop in your car and just start driving it feels bad ass to just go. 2) sometimes (or often, if you're like me and wait till the last minute) you're in a rush and you can save some precious seconds by not having to back out. nobody ever arrives home in a rush, but lots of people leave in a rush. so I ask you world, why don't more people back in when parking?

reflections on 2011

2011-12-30T18:59:00.003-07:00

I've now been doing this blog thing for 5 years. I'm certainly not as diligent as I was when I first started it but it is nice to still put my messages out there and express thoughts. that being said I thought I would give my reflections on the year that was.

2011 was one of my most difficult years in some time. I use the word difficult because although I want to sue some negative terms I still had many good moments this year and doing the job that I do it is very difficult for me to whine and complain about things that don't go my way when in the grand scheme of things my life is pretty good. Some serious low lights of the year included being single for the longest stretch of time I have ever really been single since dating (my choice to end the relationship, so I can't dwell on that one), did not get into the dance group I auditioned for and wanted to be a part of, ended employment at KDA (again, my choice but it was a tough one to go through), continual debt (damn student loans). so I had some rough moments this year that have really tested me and made me look in the mirror and think about my life but I have also had many highlights: I went to new york which was the first vacation in my life that I truly paid for and planned every part (it was a liberating trip), bought a car, my best friend got engaged which I have the honor of being best man (this one really isn't about me but when the people you love are happy it makes you happy), and I started snowboarding which I am absolutely LOVING!

despite the trials that this year has presented me and the low moments I've had to deal with I still have had many good moments, I still ahve reason to be optimistic looking forward, and ultimately my life is still pretty sweet. I'm healthy, I'm loved, I can eat daily, and I can create my own opportunities in life. may 2012 be excellent.

Leaving KDA

2011-12-26T17:03:00.002-07:00

a while back I ended my employment at KDA. After the feelings and emotions of leaving subsided I started reflecting on my time at KDA.
When I think back on my time there I can't help but think about the huge impact my time there made on me not only as a dancer but as a person.
I arrived in 2007 and got the job on a recomendation of a previous teacher, I was ready to not dance thinking that I would be focusing exclusively on school. Luckily, I was fortunate to be given a job.

I will take much from my time at KDA. I learned and gained lots: I had a love of hip hop ignited in me making me a better, more rounded, and more confident dancer. I learned how to cultivate "class culture" by trying to give my students the most enjoyable and most productive class possible. I learned how the minds of teenage girls work, although I still have lots to learn on that one. The biggest thing I will take though is my passion for teaching and mentoring. I love dancing and taking class but being able to pass on knowledge and ideas to me was the most rewarding.

The times I felt best as a teacher is when the class was doing exercises or choreography and just catching the smiles on the faces of the students. Seeing your students smile was always worth way more than any compliments after class. I know it sounds corny but its so true. The other moments that were really great for me is explaining a move or step and having students give me the look of "I can't do that" or "you're kidding" on their face and then within 10 minutes after practicing it a few times and maybe with a little bit of instruction they did it just fine, and again see the smile on their face. Once I became comfortable teaching I really starting emphasizing personal growth. Repeatedly I tried to make students aware of their attitudes and how that impacts every aspect of dance/life and how skills and attitudes in dance transfer to life. Some days I left the studio feeling like a motivational speaker but that's just how it goes.

I enjoyed my time at the studio and I loved teaching. my students know how much I certainly loved using quotes: "practice dancing nervous" "how you are in dance is how you are in life" "never say can't" and so forth. I will look back on my time with countless good memories. I hope that my impact on my students is so much more than learning how to do a pickup, wing, or scuffle and that they carry a good attitude with them moving forward. With my common use of quotes one of the ones I always told myself and tried to apply myself was "Young dancers are training at a very vulnerable time in their lives... So train the whole person, not just the dancer."
~ Deborah Bull

some of my favorite quotes:
When you take dancing lessons, you learn steps and you learn steps and you learn steps. It can go on for a long time. And then one day, you just learn to dance, and it is so different.
~ Bill Austin

The mirror is not you (dancing). The mirror is you looking at yourself.
~ George Balanchine

Nothing happens in the body  without happening in the brain first... dancing is 95% mental.
~ Bobby Boling, A Dancer's Manual

The only way to do it is to do it.
~ Merce Cunningham

All dance has expression. If there is no expression, I prefer the circus. The performers do more dangerous, more difficult technical things than we do. But we are dancers. We have to express and we have to project.
~ Luis Fuente

What we hope ever to do with ease, we must first learn to do with diligence.
~ Samuel Johnson

Everyday there must be something I can't do,  otherwise it's boring.
~ Monet Robie

Dancing's just a conversation between two people.  Talk to me.
~ Steven Rogers, "Hope Floats"

Dance is the only art of which we ourselves  are the stuff of which it is made.
~ Ted Shawn

The mediocre teacher tells.  The good teacher explains.  The superior teacher demonstrates.  The great teacher inspires.
~ William Arthur Ward

And finally....

Try to respect the student's spiritual feeling and intelligence.  A human being is in your hands.  If you don't love your students, it's better you don't teach.  Give the truth always.
~ Maestro Hector Zaraspe

Thanks KDA, it's been a slice.

car shopping

2011-12-15T14:31:00.002-07:00

towards the end of October I decided to buy a car. It was an idea I was throwing my head for some time but the desire to buy a car was growing and growing and so I started to look.

side note: I love my scooter, but it can only do so much.

As I started to look for cars I wasn't sure what type of car to get: used, private, used dealership, or new. Buying a brand new car I wrote off relatively quickly, mostly because I still have plenty of student debt and didn't want to be making large monthly payments while still having all my student debt looming. So anyways, I decided to buy used and so I started looking and man was it frustrating.

inevitably there were two main issues: 1) when a private sale the car seemed to be a good deal but there was always something wrong with it> oh it's great but it needs new tires, oh it's great but is missing a strut, oh it's great but the timing belt is going to need to be replaced soon. every car I looked at there was at least one major issue that would have taken more time and money to replace therefore eliminating any cost savings. I actually found one car that I really loved but as I arranged with the guy to buy it from him someone else had looked at it and offered money on the spot. 2) when looking at a dealership you have to deal with car salesmen. normally salespeople are kind of irritating but they are just doing their job but I really hate car salespeople. they try and create a person connection with you and be your buddy at the same time try to manipulate you every step of the way. I just hate the power game they play trying to make you feel like they are in charge and you march to their drum. I'm the one who's willing to pay the money, might not hurt treating me like an intelligent human. the worst is when you start doing the price dance. you haggle and the sales person inevitably says "I'll bring this to my manager". suddenly the guy who's been telling you everything he can personally do for you such as maintenance and special offers has absolutely no power and must go to a different room and talk to someone that I as the consumer don't even see or talk to and come out with a slightly number. and then the sales person tells you "that's the best I can do". my initial reaction is "F*#& you that's all you can do" this guy is suddenly helpless and wants to convince me he did everything he could to get me the best deal. YA RIGHT!

I went and saw a number of private sales and even went to a few dealerships and when the dealers were just too big of schmucks I left. regardless of how good the car is, if the experience of buying the car is bad.... I'm out.

In the end I bought an old toyota. I could have probably have gotten it cheaper but I was done with the car search and just wanted a vehicle at that point.

NYC

2011-11-06T13:16:00.002-07:00

So I've been a lazy blogger, oh well.

This past summer I went to NYC. Instead of me telling you all the things I did and see I will give you my impressions of the city and my experience. The very first things I noticed upon arriving and that stuck with me is that NYC is a city of no bull shit. What I mean by that is that everyone is direct, there is no sugar coating things and you aska question you're gonna get a straight answer. For some people this might be upsetting or a bit too direct but I loved it, I thought it was hilarious that you ask someone a question of where to get info for a shuttle and before you realize it they are not only telling you which shuttle you want to take but have called for it, suggested some sight seeing, and passively hit on your sister.

The second thing I noticed is that everyone is out to make a buck. This certainly isn't something specific to NYC but I've never seen it more blatant. The shuttle driver toured around the terminal about 3 times looking to jam up the shuttle only to not, but her tried. So many people have tip expectations. The tip expectation was most evidenced by a tour bus driver who went on a 10 minute rant about how tipping is important and an indication of good service the world over. He was laying it on thick. The other searing image in my mind about people trying to make a buck is multiple people with plastic garbage bags or coolers filled with botled water selling it on the street for $1. Every time I saw this and a few other things I couldn't help but have Rick Ross' song "hustlin'" playing in my head repeatedly.

The third thing I noticed is just how compact this city is. We spent almost all of our time in Manhattan. Every couple blocks you stumble across some major landmark or event. heres's time square, oh here's madison square garden, oh here's Macy's (which is insane by the way). Being a city that is so compact and arguably the most famous city in the world it is of course crowded, my sister used the term overwhelming once or twice but I found it great. I loved how busy it was, there was so much energy in the city. I would not be so fond of all the people and noise and smell if I lived in NYC and had to face it on a daily basis but visiting and temporarily immersing myself in it was awesome.

Overall I loved the trip. I loved what New York had to offer, you could be there for a month and still not see everything you'd want to. I would not want to live in NYC but it sure was great to visit. Side note, the statue of liberty experience was the low-light of the trip.

food tug-o-war

2011-08-22T09:24:00.002-06:00

everybody needs to eat. Sometimes, when we eat it's messy. Sometimes, when we eat it looks like our head has a weight pulling it towards the plate. Let me explain.
You might be saying to yourself, ya it looks like our head is pulled towards our plates when we are hungry and shoveling it home but that isn't what I'm referring to today. What I have noticed lately is a strange phenomenon that has people weighed down by the food not in their mouths but actually outside of their mouths.

so I saw someone eating a sandwich the other day and the piece of lettuce in the sandwich slid out after the bite leaving a piece of lettuce attached to the part in her mouth so it was left dangling there after hitting her chin. Instead of putting that lettuce in her mouth or tilting the head back to try and get gravity on her team she bent forward towards her plate with her arms tentatively coming up to grab the lettuce. It was as if her head suddenly weighed triple its regular weight and she had no choice but to move to the plate.

This is a common maneuver when eating spaghetti as well. everything is happy with the noodles and the sauce and then there is a piece that is longer than its friends and it doesn't make it into the mouth. children know how to combat this, slurping. Adults, who have been groomed not to slurp become victims of the head weight where the utensils are suddenly useless and the head gets pulled towards the plate as if the rest of the body is helpless. It's as if food hitting the chin activates this strange occurrence.

Now, I've seen this happen before where the food doesn't quite make it into the mouth but it doesn't stay with the rest of the food on the plate and ends up on the chin. In these situations it is as if food hitting chin activates the heavy head and cripples the arms from helping. people start diving into their plates into this hunchback position all in the effort to keep their manners and not look foolish.

heavy heads while eating, guaranteed you'll notice it next time. ;)

dance audition

2011-08-17T23:53:00.002-06:00

a few weeks ago I auditioned for a dance company. this dance company would have turned me into one of 'the source kids'. For months I thought about this audition and the possibility of not only getting in and being able to grow and work with so many different choreographers and teachers but also to be part of a group and being constantly challenged. for months I battled with the thought of should I stay where I am and be able to save money and teach my students or should I go an have a new experience. Ultimately I auditioned and had a lot of fun during my audition but I unfortunately did not get accepted. it didn't sink in until after my vacation but when it sank in, it hurt pretty bad. I cannot recall feeling this disappointed in a long time, but that's life and that's the way it goes. Instead of me recounting every last detail of the audition itself I will instead copy and past part of a conversation I was having with an old classmate and now friend of mine who I spent the afternoon before my callback with:

Hey Marcus! I don't know how I missed this message until today ... Sorry to hear that you won't be moving to Vancouver :( So, where did your disappointment come from? Not getting into thw company or
not having a reason to move? Both? Or, was it a disappointment with your own performance? I only ask because thwr
.... Ok, I really Hate the return function on my IPad ... Sorry for the disjointed message ...
So, I only ask because the real reason is a good indicator of where you want to be and what you want to be doing. I'm sure you have the talent and the potential to have been accepted ... Perhaps it was your reluctance (fear or uncertainty?) that manifested in your second performance ... Use this as a reference point for figuring out where you are at right now and what the best transition - if any - would be. My feeling is that you will "outgrow" your current circumstances sooner than you might imagine ... But, there are always safety nets that keep us comfortable and make the choice to change or leave really difficult. But, deep inside you already know this :) I hope you visit again when you're next in Vancouver

hi M,
when I reflect on it I am disappointed for both reasons you have outlined. I am disappointed that I did not get in because I really wanted to be able to be pushed on a daily basis, to be a part of a group/team, to grow dynamically and meet people and be interacting with people on a regular basis that are as passionate about the same things I am passionate about. I am however, also disappointed to not have a reason to move. I don't feel as though I need to move but I do know that I am ready to start a new chapter in my life, what that chapter is I'm not yet sure but the thoughts that come to mind immediately are dancing, working, and relationships. my life is 'comfortable' but I think perhaps I need a shake up of some sort.
As far as my second night performance goes, it could very well have been my fear or apprehension getting the best of me. I was hesitant at the idea of moving, however when I reflected on it and truly listened to my inner clarity I knew I wanted in and I knew that if I got accepted that I would have gone. I said openly to people who asked/were willing to listen that it would be easier if I auditioned and did not get accepted. This way, the difficult decision would be made for me. I wonder if me verbalizing this statement on more than one occasion affected my universal energy and what was bound to happen to me.
n terms of "outgrowing" my situation, I agree with you. perhaps it is again something I know deep internally within myself or maybe because I just watched 'the soloist' and it has me reflecting on my life, it's meaning, and the personal connections I have formed but I feel as though I will outgrow my current situations as well. how that will present itself in the future I have yet to determine.

my note goes on to speak of other things but there is a brief snapshot of a disappointment and one conversation that ensued.

dance parents

2011-05-16T23:43:00.002-06:00

the other day I sat in line for 5 hours to get tickets to a show that I am in and even helped create. I really enjoyed it because I got to hang out with a whole bunch of dance parents from around the studio. I had the epiphany of how crucial dance parents are only after I quit dancing in my early teen years, which was re-inforced 10 fold waiting in this line. These are the people who pay, who bring kids to every practice on time, who wait patiently while their kids talk to be picked up, who hunt around for costumes (and sometimes even sew them), who raise amazing kids with amazing talents and even more amazing personalities, and despite all of this that I already know I continue to be amazed by them.

This weekend I was siting with parents who were enduring the cold and getting up early so that they can buy tickets for their kids dance shows, to support them, and show their love. the most amazing part of it is the fact that not only were they doing it but they were happy to do it. as if..... of course we wait, why wouldn't we wait in line?

this inevitably makes me think back to my own childhood and all the work my parents, especially my mom, put in to not only do the day to day running around by also the financial sacrifices they endured (the reason I try so hard to keep my costume costs down now). I remember my mom driving me for hours to an out of town festival and waiting in the auditorium for hours more, and making sure I had everything packed and was organized.... all for 3 minutes on stage. I also remember my mom doing secretarial work and cleaning the studio when I was little to help supplement the cost of classes/competition/costumes because I was so involved. I hardly ever heard a complaint but the work that went in to it is amazing.... I'm amazed at the work and love that goes into these parents children and their extra-curricular activities.

If you are a dance parent and reading this; know that all that you pour into your kids is realized and appreciated, even if you aren't told that it is. and if you are a dancer, think about everything your parents do for you and I'm sure you will be compelled to thank them and show your appreciation.

although I am not a dance parent or even a parent at all at this point in my life, getting a glimpse of what goes into it leaves me floored. you are unsung heroes.

douche bags

2011-05-10T23:08:00.002-06:00

normally I talk about weird or quirky things that I find interesting. today the topics is douchebags and how to identify them:

1) a douchebag is pretty much anyone drinking energy drinks earlier than 10pm. drinking a "monster" or a "rockstar" looks ridiculous and douchey. if you need to wake up in the morning drink a coffee like everyone else.

2) a douche bag is a guy who has a huge truck for no real reason and when sees someone on a scooter (such as myself) suddenly thinks they need to challenge me. I'm not challenging you........ I'm on a SCOOTER! these morons don't realize that they're morons because not only do they accelerate only to break right away but also make sure to give me this look through their sunglasses to make sure I notice. what exactly is trying to be proven is beyond me. luckily I have a way of combating this particular breed of douche and that is by zipping right by them when they stop at a light. they are waiting to turn right at a red and I just zip to the front of the line and I'm gone. sometimes when they catch up I give them a little look to see if they are still challenging me, the eyes are suddenly on the road again.

3) sweat/track pants plus designer shirts. 'nuff said.

4) pretty much anyone with a chin strap, barbed wire tattoo, or any sort of chinese text tattoo. If you can't see the tattoo its probably under a "tapout" shirt.

and that's how to identify a douche bag!

text tone

2011-04-27T23:21:00.002-06:00

conversations are one of my favorite things. whether its debating ideas, teaching something new, bantering, or telling jokes conversations are generally a good time. Now, sometimes we still need to get a hold of people or talk to people but they aren't in front of us or perhaps they are too busy for a phone call. enter the text message and the e-mail. E-mail is great for long messages or formal things but texting is something you do with friends so for the purpose of this blog I'm talking about texting.

as convenient as texting is, it has one major flaw: you do not know the tone of and intent of someone's words. many phrases can be interpreted many different ways take "I have something for you" as an example. I bet you can interpret that particular phrase at least 4 different ways. Sometimes its tricky to know a persons intent. Without knowing the tone the person is saying (or typing) a phrase is difficult.

Because tone text can be such a tricky thing to pin down the few times you get it exactly right is so satisfying. I have a dance student, N, and sometimes we text and joke around n text. recently we were texting and she had made a comment that I knew just the phrasing and the timing of it how she said it. so much so that I actually could picture the exact face she was making and how she laughed when she made the joke. So this blog is a light-hearted one. AS tough as nailing text tone is, it is so satisfying when you get it exactly right and you know what the person is saying and how they are saying it, its like they are right in front of you. One of life's very small but somehow satisfying victories.

old clothes

2011-03-08T00:19:00.002-07:00

all clothes (or accessories) have an estimated shelf life. take shoes for example, when I buy a pair of shoes I expect them to last me about a year to a year and a half before being replaced (this is providing they are getting regular use). Most articles of clothing live close to their expected age before they are thrown away, donated, handed down, or made to be a 'work shirt' (I said shirt but this could be article). the passing through of clothes usually goes without incident and the person ridding themselves of the article has no special attachment. Sometimes the article lasts much shorter and we get mad. maybe it was expensive, may we only wore it a couple times, maybe you put a little too much mustard on that hot dog.... whatever. point is, its gone and you're not happy.
But isn't it great when an article lasts much longer then expected? when most items reach their expiry date we start shopping around and plan the transition but once in a while an item sneaks through and somehow avoids being replaced. the most interesting part of this is that when the article is discovered to still be around after all this time we don't immediately throw it out (I don't at least), rather we get impressed by the article and somehow a special bond is formed. A "you and me to the end" sort of thing. this article may get disgusting and may even lose part of its value but we become so impressed and sentimentally attached that not only do we not want to get rid of it but if someone else even suggested the idea it would become offensive.
I was packing up my backpack the other day and the thought occurred to me "I've had this backpack forever" when I thought about it I actually don't remember not having this particular backpack. it is old, tattered, filthy, and 2 zippers don't work. I could easily buy a more functional and better looking backpack but I really don't want to. me and this backpack have been through so much. its me and it to the end.

you look tired

2011-02-13T00:14:00.003-07:00

a friend of mine told me I looked tired not long ago. I kind of shrugged and said I felt tired. a couple weeks later I told her I thought she looked tired on that day, she turned around and said "so you're saying I look like shit". now she said this in somewhat of a joking tone but I could tell she wasn't thrilled at my observation. We got into a conversation about how she thinks when people say that to her that they are really insulting her overall appearance as opposed to noticing heavy eyelids or darker circles. Apparently the word 'tired' holds a lot of hidden messages and feelings. do lots of people think this? should I never tell anyone that they look tired? was she saying I looked like shit? meh, life moves on and I write blogs. wha da ya gonna do?

you always get what you want

2011-02-06T23:47:00.003-07:00

I was recently having a conversation with my ex. she told me that "you always get what you want." she didn't say it in any sort of hatred but more of that of being envious. I've been told this statement before. "oh marcus! you always get what you want!"
my reaction to this comment is "of course I do, why wouldn't I?" Most of the time I get what I want I made an active decision to get it and often had to work to attain it. so why shouldn't I get what I want? shouldn't we all get what we want? Am I supposed to want something and not try and get it because we are all supposed to be unhappy?
Life isn't difficult, too many people think it's much more complex than it is. Do things that make you happy, don't do things that don't, if you want something (that doesn't involve hurting others) then get it. of course I get what I want. why don't you?

passing on the highway

2011-02-06T23:31:00.002-07:00

we've all been there. Long road trip on a two lane highway and the guy in front of you is going too slow so you need to pass them. Of course when you decide you are going to pass them it inevitably turns out that the road starts winding, there is always a car coming in the opposite direction, and it seems like the people heading in the opposite direction have had opportunity to pass forever. but then you finally get your window of opportunity and you go for it. you hit the signal light accelerate to a speed you don't normally cruise at and you merge back into your lane playing the adult game of leap frog. now think back to that experience. did you use your signal light to get back into the lane you just came from? the person you just passed knew you were going to come back into the lane but did you give them the courtesy? I did (most of the time). Here's why.
putting or not putting on the signal light send 2 very distinct messages. using the signal light says: "hi friend, you're going slower than me, that's okay I'll just pass you. enjoy the rest of your day." Not using the signal says: "hey jerk stop driving so F-ing slow! I've got somewhere to be.....jackass!"
maybe you agree with me, maybe I'm reading too much into a small yellow light on the back corner of a vehicle flashing a couple times. Either way the next time you're on the highway and pass or get passed you are going to think about me and my blog. booyah!

the city bus

2011-01-15T10:39:00.002-07:00

In recent years there has been a real push for people to lower their energy use, green house gas emissions, or carbon footprint. However you say it it's the same thing: don't waste energy and recycle where you can. One big way promoting less vehicle emissions is using the city bus. It is often advertised as reliable transportation with the friendly bus driver who will get you where you want to go fast and you will enjoy every minute of it. the bus looks so inviting in advertisements. Real life is a lot different than most advertisements but I'm hard pressed to think of the discrepancy being so big as with the city bus. I recently started taking the bus again and I took it for about 8 years when I lived in Edmonton, so I'm a seasoned veteran when it comes to pulling the string to show that there is a "stop requested". Anyways, taking the bus SUCKS:
1) the mercy of the schedule. with transfers and bigger distances traveling you spend a lot of time waiting for buses to arrive. and what would be a a 20 minute trip you have to budget an hour of time for. What I'm currently experiencing is having to be at the bus stop a half hour before I need to be at work for a car ride that would take 9 minutes and if I don't sprint for the bus if I'm running a couple minutes late I'm late for work where as with a car its a non-issue.
2) the bus stop itself. most bus stops are simply a pole with a sign, I got no problem with those ones, its the transfer stations I hate. a collection of an interesting mix of people, most noticeably young teenagers who are trying to bum smokes off of one another or others and seem to think that they are the coolest people around. While most teens spend their time at the mall, participating in extra curricular activities, or playing video games these teens are busy melting the sides of the shelter with their lighters. CLASSY! the other thing I hate about transfer stations is that they are filthy. plenty of garbage bins around but that's not the issue. the issue is that you can't go anywhere without stepping on cigarette butts, like someone in the sky sprinkled the entire transfer station with them as decoration.
3) the bus driver. In my years of bus travel I had only 1 nice driver. the kind of driver you would see on a commercial, one that always greats you with a smile and has no problem answering any question. Most drivers are just pissed off, like pulling over to pick you up was a huge chore and now they are late for dinner because of YOU! and is it just me or is every single bus driver ever a male between the ages of 40-60? cause it certainly seems that way. I can't say I blame them. I don't think I'd be in a great mood if I had that job... although bus driver clothing is trendy.

despite all my complaining about city transportation it does offers a couple of good points:
1) you don't have to think, when the bus gets going you can turn the brain off and zombie out, if the bus isn't crowded you could even catch a few Z's.
2) if you're into people watching its the place to do it. A large diversity of people take the bus so to see different people and create your own little stories for them is fun.

And that is my experience of city transportation.

feels like winter

2011-01-10T18:18:00.003-07:00

now that the holiday season is over I'm glad I don't have to hear people talking about all the effort they have to go through to make it "feel like christmas." In my opinion you shouldn't have to work too hard for feelings. For the most part our attitudes determine our feelings and I'm just not going to spend hundreds of dollars and dozens of hours decorating/cooking/shopping/planning/ and wrapping. Don't get me wrong, I do all of those things in small amount but it isn't going to alter my day/weekends/month or season to do it.
thinking about the feeling of christmas I thought to myself when does it "feel" like christmas or winter (in a good way, not the bone chilling cold way) that requires no effort. For me, it wasn't crunching snow, skating, christmas lights, fire places, skiing, world junior hockey, snow shoeing, santa clause displays, or shopping. To me the best winter feeling I can get comes from seeing fresh snow on trees. a fresh snow fall is great but I have lived in cities my whole life so seeing a completely untouched snowfall is a rarity for me. I think that's why I love snow on trees. nobody bothers the snowy tree, and there is something about branches long lost of leaves with a few centimeters of snow elegantly resting on the intricate branches. AHHHHH! christmas!

airport experiences

2010-12-30T21:58:00.002-07:00

I flew back to eDmonton for the holidays. I surprised my family, which was fun, but here are some reflections of my recent airport experiences.

1) nobody wants to work on christmas eve and I was fortunate enough to not be at work but I saw many people who were working. this got me to thinking what is the worst job in the airport? security isn't all that fun and I'm sure the airline reps aren't always having a blast. I thought I figured out the worst job when I thought about the guys who have to deal with luggage complaints but then my luggage was lost and I think their job is actually pretty cushy. Then it hit me. The worst job at the airport is those people who sit inside the security gates at the kiosks. They are either selling cheap junk, regional trinkets, postcards OR the worst job of them all..... the credit card sales people. Everyone is annoyed at "the credit card people" and pretend to be busy when walking buy and they just sit there all day pestering strangers. there kiosk isn't even nice or entertaining. I wouldn't want to do this job. I especially wouldn't want it on christmas.

2) Sometimes I feel like an ant in an ant farm and if someone were to look at a city as if it were one of those clear ant farms or bee hives that are used to teach children they would have to agree that we are ants. Grocery shopping is usually when I get this feeling. we all walk into the building and come out with a cart of food. going in and out of the aisles, through the checkout, returning the cart. We are all just little working ants/bees going through the motions and doing the exact same thing as everyone around us. The airport definitely replicates the ant farm feeling for me. dropped off at terminal, through line, through security line, wait, wait more, through boarding line, onto plane, wait, line up to get off plane, line up for luggage, leave. we are small.

3) as I was waiting for my flight back to where I live and was waiting for boarding (this was before the flight was delayed and eventually canceled and my luggage was lost) I noticed the energy in the room was much happier. I am under the assumption that most people were returning to their homes after christmas with friends/family. The happy vibe kind of surprised me. I was happy to be going back home, not because I hated my visit or anything like that but rather was simply ready to go back to my own home with my own bed. maybe people were feeling the same thing as me, maybe people had been fed well, were rested, got the gifts they wanted, were now going on a vacation, didn't have holiday stress to deal with, felt the love from those friends/family? whatever the reason a lot of people seemed much happier after christmas then before. interesting.

so there are some more of my perceptions and opinions.

lazy talkers

2010-12-07T23:30:00.003-07:00

a while back I saw an ad for Tim Hortons Coffee. The ad was simply a cup of coffee and a line that said "true patriot love" next to it. As I read it I of course understood that this line was from the national anthem 'O Canada' what I also thought was how when I sing the anthem or when I hear it the line seems to be screwed up. I sing it and I always hear it being sung sounding like "true pay trit love" the I and O really aren't shown much respect. Then I started thinking to other words that we as canadians get lazy about. Edmonton, my home city, not often but from time to time gets pronounced emonton. where's the D? Another big one is the city of Toronto. that second T gets no love. I often hear people talking about Toronto as Torono. Is this the Canadian accent or are we just a bunch of lazy talkers?

day 5

2010-10-30T00:39:00.001-06:00

Last day. I get up and fold my bedding, fold my clothes (making sure to separate the still clean from the still damp and disgusting), and eat. Stacey and I part ways as she must study. I hop on the now extremely familiar skytrain and head my now familiar route to the dance centre. I had such a good experience tapping yesterday that I decide to go and do a level 1 tap class. There isn't much tap offered at harbour (or most places for that matter). Tap doesn't get much respect these days. These days it seems hip hop and contemporary are the kings of the hill.
I misread the brochure. I thought that I would have the same teacher as yesterday but nope. I have a different old guy. And this old guys style is fairly different. He is much more interested in the "dance" element of tapping as opposed to the "rhythm" element. Although this class from a technique standpoint was a little beneath me I still learned a lot from watching the teacher teach. I was reminded of so much of the foundation of tap and how much of a tool it is for teaching musicality. A fairly good class. Just one more to go.
The last class for me this week is Jo's jazz. I had heard that her jazz is difficult but I figured I would take it, give what I've got and let it be the final mark of the week. So I walk into jazz class (there is not a single jazz shoe in sight) with all "the source kids" and they clearly know whats going on. I find a piece of corner in the back of the room as I'm fairly sure I'm the only person here who hasn't done the class before. Holy $&!% warm-up is intense. I silently wish to myself that we actually do warm-up and stretching all class so that I can continue to hide. I actually failed at hiding when it was time to stretch in 2nd and (for everyone but me) put our heads on the ground. the image I had in my head is that of a wide open field filled with gopher holes and despite all the holes you see nothing but that one gopher who pokes his head up when all the others are safely below the surface. But I'm already here, and it's my last class, so dammit I'm going to throw the ego away and make the most of my last class.
Time for cross floor. The opening cross floor involves an exceptionally fast salsa step. F! I've never done salsa before. So people start going cross floor and there I was at the end of the pack with one other person. She managed to get across the floor in record pace and there I was, literally in the middle of the room with everyone watching, trying to do some fast salsa. Let's just say I got off the floor as quick as possible. Going back the other way I made sure I was in the middle of the pack and NOT at the end. Cross floor continued and I started to find my groove building confidence (doing jumps and turns helps my confidence usually.) Then we get to the combo. To my own surprise I can do this combo. In fact I can get through this combo just fine, much better than either contemporary combo and I know this is a more difficult set. My body just told my mind, "don't worry, we got this" and my mind replied, "ya, I think you're right, I think we do GOT THIS." We run it in groups and I do just fine. There are some amazing dancers in this room. When class is over I thank Jo for not only the class but the scholarship as well (as her and husband gave it to me). Her baby is amazingly cute by the way. Living off the high of class I actually think about doing one more class. I would be pushing time to get to the bus on time if I do that. Then my mind tells my body "we're tired, remember?" "oh ya" replies mind. I have a few small talk conversations with a couple of people and it's time for me to pick out my trophy. I buy a pair of sweat pants that have gold print on the side (appropriate considering it is a trophy after all).

I figured out that I did 15 classes total in 5 days. 3 classes a day doesn't actually sound like much. "fat ass" body mocks mind. But 15 is a substantial number. In the intensive training program that Harbour has, the students must do 13 classes a week. I did more than 13 in less than a week. I'm satisfied with the effort put in. The experience was very positive. Spending time doing something you are passionate about can always only turn out positive, and this was. I love dancing. Let me say it again, I LOVE dancing. I found that the people were never rude but they did get friendlier as the week wore on. I found myself conversing with more and more people each day and everyone was friendly. It was such a good experience that I'm thinking about coming down for GSP a couple days early just to catch a few classes at harbour before the convention.
As great as the experience was I am looking forward to being back home. As my dad told me once told me "no matter where you go and what you do, you should always want to be home at the end of it." That isn't an exact quote, but you get the idea. And as I sit on a greyhound bus typing the last of this I'm even more excited to be home because I'm tired. Also, I'm sitting next to the stinky washroom and the bus is so jammed with people that there are a bunch of people who have to stand. Actually.
Tomorrow I will spend most of the day rejuvenating on the couch before I go back to my "home studio" of KDA" and take yet another class.

Day 4. "you did well for your first time"

2010-10-28T18:11:00.001-06:00

So this is supposed to be my biggest day of dance. The climax of it all. Also…… the day I get to tap.
I was going to do back to back tap because my brochure said there were 2 level 2 tap classes (but I was told that the teacher tends to bring the level up to a 2/3. As it turns out the brochure lied and there was actually a level 1 followed by a level 2. I was going to go and do both classes anyway because I would like to do tap as much as possible but I didn't. Not through lack of trying either. I was just running late to begin with and then I had to meet up with Stace to give her her apartment key. When all is said and done I would have been about 15 minutes late for class. I'd rather not be a huge disturbance and I will still get to do the class I want to.
So I go to tap class now. and Sarah has decided to join me, which is nice because I have been in every class without anyone I know so it's just nice to have someone else around. It's tap class now, it's hard for me to describe just how anxious I am for this class. I'm mostly excited because I haven't been in a tap class as the student for sooo long but part of me is nervous because what if his style is different than my mine and he uses a different vocabulary? I have every hope that this Tap class is going to be the climax of my trip. So I do the class and instantly I'm intimidated as the teacher does a "warm-up" that is crazy fast and he doesn't really explain. Just starts tapping fast and expects you to catch on…. yikes. The strange thing is that I was able to. When hearing it and watching it I was able to pick up what was happening and proceed to do it. He used my language using riffs and scuffles… I was home. We do a combo that moves fast but is ridiculously fun. The teacher throughout the class gives me a few pointers here and there as well as the other guy in class. I think he is favoring us. I'm not complaining, I'm here to tap. After we do the combo once the teacher tells me that my tapping was good throughout the entire combo. He didn't say it too loud and was relatively close to me when he said it but for me that put the metaphorical cherry on top. When class ended I had to thank him for class and just talk to this guy. He's super friendly and this class was awesome, everything I wanted and more. It should be mentioned that the teacher is like 60 years old and amazing, I was told he was a big time dancer in LA back in the day.
Off to contemporary jazz. Even though it's contemporary I figure I should make the most of my experience again and its better to work on my weaknesses then only ever work on my strengths. We get this super cool bit of choreography where we are supposed to be swans, but not pretty swans, more like distorted swans. This should be right up my ally but again, I'm just not feeling it. The song is fairly good and the choreography is sweet but I'm just not feeling it. I just can't get into the combo. I do the class and that's that. As I write this I look at the word contemporary and I think for me it is appropriate as I break the word up as 'contempt temporarily'. You can't win 'em all.
Then it is hip hop 2/3 with a short dude named Jerome. I call him the short dude Jerome because that is what was told to me when I was asking another KDA'er about her brief harbour experience. This class has one of the SYTYCD canada kids in it. I thought he was a douche on the show and seeing him in class proved that 10 fold as towards the end he looked at himself in the mirror and hand combed his eyebrows. The choreography is most like Cat's style of hip hop. It's pretty hard hitting and aggressive. This combo is really fast but uber fun. I thank short Jerome at the end of class and he tells me that he hasn't seen me here. I explain I'm only here temporarily (without contempt for hip hop). He said I did well for my first time in his class. I felt I did well. one more class today though.
I actually have an hour in between classes so I just find a spot to sit and read. The thought crosses my mind to go buy some harbour merch as the front desk isn't busy right now. I tell myself not today, I know I will buy some stuff, but not today. I decide I will buy any and all harbour clothes at the end of my trip…. when I've earned it, when it's all done. The clothes will be my material proof of this trip and scholarship. The sweat pants I will buy will be my trophy. It's kind of laughable to think of sweat pants as a trophy but it is what they will be for me. Anyways, one more class.
House. This is another open level class, and this one wasn't taught by the usual teacher. the guy teaching us today apparently doesn't have a house class of his own. I could tell his teaching skills were just a bit rusty. he did fine though. I found the class moved slow. It was probably just as fast (or slow) moving as locking but I think because I expect house to be fast and because I have done house classes before that I found it a bit slow. once we were doing the choreography with music it was fun because the music was considerably faster then how it was being counted without music. Learned a few things. Another good day but my body is starting to ask for a stoppage in play.
In the first day or 2 I was bewildered and living on the high that was the trip. By about day 3 the body was slowing down but the mind was able to will it onwards. Now, at the end of day 4, the body is starting to win the argument. Because classes ended earlier today then other days I have some time to do more than flop on a couch. Part of me wants to go out and experience some vancouver night life, but then I remember that I'm here alone and that I'm exhausted. Stacey and I order pizza, buy some beer, and watch the oilers (get eaten alive by the sharks.) Bed time.

Day 3. "give it to me"

2010-10-27T17:54:00.000-06:00

I decide today to go for an afternoon class. Jazz at 2o'clock my brochure says. I get there and its actually contemporary jazz…. super. I've done 2 contemporary classes in my life but I'm here so I guess I'll take the class.
We do a super long warm-up and then some cross floor. She sets out a cross floor exercise of turns. I think to myself "sweet, I'm good at turns" and this cross floor is insane. It's so fast and I'm spinning out of control trying to change my spot, change directions, and still whip out the turns. I get through but I haven't felt like I've flailed that bad turning in some time.
We then do a combo that I do but I'm not exactly fired up about: plenty of reaching, breathing, and soft movement. This isn't a dance I would necessarily choreograph, but I do it. Class ends, I've got some time to kill before the evening grind of classes so I meet up with an old friend from camp and we catch up and reminisce about camp days and the wonderful impact camp has had on our lives. It was a great lunch where we pretty much just sat around and laughed. Plus, I tell my friend that with all the classes my energy is low so I get my calorie on by having a huge bacon burger with fries and a beer…. It was great. Conversation must end though and I have to go back to class.
First class of the night is "intro to break dance." Teacher goes over some basic moves and I learn a few variables of warm-up exercises we do back at KDA. Pretty fun top rock part of class but then we get into the floor work. I don't fare quite as well at that. "HIPS UP" I tell myself about 23 times because my ass looks like it weighs about 60 pounds. Teacher then tells us that a lot of breakers put different styles into their breaking like house. I think about throwing some tap in there. As I fart around with different ways to move (tap/break style) while yelling at myself to keep my hips up teacher tells me that what I was doing looks cool. Thanks teacher. I enjoy you being supportive.
Next up is hip/hop 2/3 with a teacher who looks like Taylor Swift…. but ghetto. The room is packed (we aren't in the glorious studio this time) and I am at the back. It's kind of hard to see what is going on. I can tell that my body is tired. Mentally, I'm slowing down and physically I find I'm marking more often and doing combos full out less often, and my feet hurt. I must continue. Like so many of the combos I have done already it is a bit weird at first but as I put it more into my body I get a better feel for it and get through it. This combo was fast an intricate.
After we all learn the combo and start doing it in groups G'd up Taylor swift tells us that we are to free style for 32 counts. "NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" free styling already makes me nervous when I'm back at my "home studio" with people I know. Here I am with nobody I know in a room of pre-professionals! I manage to put some piece of garbage together for 32 counts and get off the dance floor ASAP. Of course, we do it again and I force myself to think to make the most out of it and do the best I can. So the next time up after the combo for the 32 counts I string something together that isn't garbage but it is certainly FAR from amazing. Class ends soon enough with and my tail is between my legs. I'm so tired at this point that I'm contemplating calling it a day. I tell myself to do one more class at least.
LOCKING. It's an open level class so there are an interesting mix of people ranging from very experienced to very beginners. This class was hella fun. A lot of time is just spent grooving and walking around to music. We do a combo that is pretty straight forward as far as the steps go but somehow it is amazingly fun. At one point the teacher came over to correct my arm placement on a move. I didn't understand what she was looking for at first and while she was saying "give it to me" I thought she wanted me to move my body forward more and not my hands. So there I was thrusting my body forward for a few counts before she corrected me and told me to use my hands. I'm sure I looked ridiculous. When all else fails just groove it out. As much fun as I'm having my feet are killing me and I'm exhausted but I'm signed up for one more class. I throw in the towel. Another open level class of "popping and boogaloo" but I decide not to do it, mostly because of my fatigue but also because I want to have a huge day tomorrow so I will need to rest up.
I get back to Stace's and flop on the couch in a heap. Goodnight world.

Day 2. "I thought she was going to eat me"

2010-10-26T18:06:00.000-06:00

I get up and find that I'm sore. What? it's only been 2 classes! I would have done 3 classes if I stayed in Kamloops last night. Oh well. I get a fancy blue highlighter and plan out my days on my fancy brochure schedule.
I was told yesterday that I can't sit in on classes so there goes my plan of just bumming around the studio trying to be the spongiest sponge of knowledge I can be. I decide to take a level 1 jazz class at noon. This class won't have any of "the source kids" in it, they are probably all working their retail jobs to pay for classes. I'm sure I will see them later tonight and this class doesn't have one of them. This class is filled with a nice mix of people. Mostly older some I think are professionals who want some mid-day exercise, some who maybe used to dance in their younger years and still enjoy it, some who are new to dance but have a passion and are in the studio every chance they get, and this one guy who was about 40 who looked like he had never been in a dance class in his life my only thought was that he must be there to win the affections of someone in his life. There are lots of jazz shoes in this class.
I think that this class will be a nice mid day way to spend my time, to work on technique, and to simply take advantage of my time here. Holy $&!% again. I am dripping with sweat 10 minutes into the warm up, but I don't feel too bad about it. I was nowhere near as sweaty as the dude next to me. He took on the mental nickname "shirts" in my head. He came into class about 5 minutes late and looked like he came out of a hot yoga class he did in his shower. In addition to the drenched shirt he was wearing he had 2 shirts on hand for the sole purpose of wiping down is far too wet body. I am not exaggerating either. At one point he left class only to return in a different pair of pants.
This class goes well. A nice slow pace. After the 50 minute warm-up/conditioning bit we do some cross floor. Turns. He set out a turn combo I have done plenty of times before, and I do well. The teacher even calls on me to demonstrate for the class "hey, red shirt what's your name?" "me?" (I had just finished turning and was slightly disoriented. I demonstrate and people politely clap because they feel hay should.
The rest of class is relatively uneventful with one exception. The teacher is me. During the warm-up I thought that the teacher kind of reminded me of myself. Similar flexibility, height and build. He is a much more polished dancer though. cI hadn't thought much of it until going over the combo he asks the class "any questions, comments, concerns?". My brain perks up, "That's my line!" I yelp internally. "what's he going to do next, say cahier or kayak?" I ignore it and think of it as just a coincidence. A few minutes go by and he says it again "any questions, comments, concerns?" I try to ignore it. Then he says it! he added on! the way I add on! except he throws out a new one altogether "corvette's". I hadn't thought about corvette's being extended to the list but I suppose it could have a place. Clearly I am similar to this teacher.
Class ends and I have nothing but time to kill until the next class at 5:30 so I eat on a patio for lunch and then go sit in starbucks to type this out and finally walk over to the library to read my book a bit more. Back to the studio!
Jazz 2/3 with kevin Tookey. I'm looking forward to this class as I have taken a class from him before and he grew up dancing in Edmonton so I kind of know what to expect. The class feels very beautifully simple (and as expected, there are no jazz shoes in this class). Absolutely nothing complicated about any part of the class including wiggling around on the floor for a core warmup. Nice class, but it goes over time and the next teacher is eager to get started.
I have to change and physically sign up for the class and so I walk in 5 minutes late and 2 counts of 8 into the choreography. It's level 2 hip hop which I learned yesterday doesn't feel like an intermediate class. The movements are small and intricate with an emphasis on how the moves are to be done. The teacher tells us halfway through the class that we are too light, too soft, and simply not having an impact on him. He feels nothing from the class. Over the next half of the class he asks for more out of us and in many different ways explains what he wants and what we need to do to give it to him. Everyone picks it up, the swag and the sexiness picks up. We are supposed to be the sexiest and cockiest dancer in the room. We get split into 7 groups of 4 and you can see the anxiety of some people in the class and the teacher tells us this is good because most of the time we dance when it counts we are nervous whether a show, competition, or audition. "Practice dancing nervous." That's great advice I think. The class starts winding down and people are bringing more and more sexy cockiness. Some girl started dancing next to me (for more space, not because I'm special in any way) and while doing the combo the teacher was getting in her face trying to bring more character out of her and holy $&!% she was sexy in that moment. I thought she was going to eat me. And the thing is…. I wanted her to. I even said it to the teacher after class, while I thanked him, that I thought she would eat me, he laughed and understood how when the ladies get going it can be slightly distracting.
This brings me to a picture in the studio. In the one room I have had all my classes to this point there is a huge picture on the back wall of a women doing some sort of jump while dancing. The expression on her face is that of joy and ecstasy. The picture is also somewhat sexual as the lady is wearing a body suit that is see through with her nipples clearly on display. I think this is a good picture for a studio like this. It is for more professional and developed dancers, hopefully at a stage where they are aware and in tune with their sexuality. I think there is a some level of sexuality with most dancing and in a studio for young professionals it is appropriate. Certainly not a picture I would put in a family oriented studio. We do not need a bunch of pre-teens with exposed nipples jumping all around the place.
Again, the classes today were tremendous. I walked out of Harbour on a cool rainy dark Granville street with a smile on my face. This could easily be the backdrop for despair and loneliness but I am in a great mood from the classes I have taken and my time in Vancouver.
Back on the skytrain where I have a brief conversation with a girl who looked nervous and a couple of drunk guys telling me to invest. Yes, another great day.

harbour week 1.

2010-10-25T11:38:00.003-06:00

day 1. "a little tight, but I'll be fine"

In the time building up to my trip to harbour I was experiencing different emotions. Part of me was really excited to go and train hard for a week and devote this time to a real passion of mine. Another part of me was not looking forward to it at all. I mean it's kind of a pain in the ass. I had to book the time of work (without pay) and of course a week in vancouver ain't cheap either. But I was committed to do this and this week will be great!
So it starts with the bus trip down. The first things I notice is how great it is to people watch, which I did sitting in the greyhound station, when I haven't done that in a while. The highlight definitely being a mother and daughter do the money dance…we've all seen it…. something like this:
mother: do you have enough money? (concerned for child)
daughter: I'm a little tight, but I'll be fine (I don't NEED the money but feel free to give me some mom)
mother: ok
About 40 seconds go by
mother: are you sure you'll be fine (I know you want it but you must ask)
daughter: maybe I should take it (that was easy)
mother: here you go (damn, still not too proud to take money from her mother)
Anyways.. then I'm on the bus. Hardly anyone there. Nobody beside me in front of me or behind me which means I can stick my elbows out, feet front, and lean back without being concerned for anyone else's "bubble". I sit reading most of the bus ride and didn't listen to my ipod once. Just enjoying the book, the travel, the silence, the journey I was on. This week will be great.
Off the bus and onto the train. Skytrain that is. First time on the skytrain… but don't worry I looked like I had ben on the train 100 times. Act tired instead of bewildered. Works overtime. Then I actually go to harbour.
I wasn't really sure what to expect form harbour. My first impression was that I felt like I was in the opening scene of "Fame." Tight crowded hallways full of experienced dancers who are all friends. This is their head quarters, their "home studio" if you will. So here I am bustling through all these people and "the source kids" with my two huge bags asking about a thousand questions at the front desk while the regulars are waiting for me to move just to swipe their membership cards. So I go and change in the change room…. there is a change room just for guys! and it's a decent size! and it has a bathroom! clearly this is a place "for men to dance." So I come out of the change room and the hallways are still packed while everyone waits for the class before to end.
It is important at this time to mention that I didn't get a "snobby vibe" from anyone. I got the impression that when looked at people simply thought "another new guy, whatever" as opposed to "WHO is THIS? he isn't like US! I'm the BEST!"
So then class starts. Level 2 hip hop. Level 2 is for intermediate dancers…..I should be fine. We start learning this combo in a wonderfully large, wonderfully loud, wonderfully artistic, wonderfully unkempt studio. The steps to the dance are fine. The combo has a smooth sexy feel to it with plenty of body rolls to go around. It doesn't hurt that the room is filed with very FIT and ATTRACTIVE young LADIES ranging from ages 17-23 doing their SEXY body rolls while sweating. This helps me get into character of course….. strictly professional. I'm off topic.
So the steps were going fine. And then the teacher puts on the music and holy $&!% this is fast…. but "don't worry" the teacher re-assures the class. "Take your time". Perfect, all I have to do is take my time while the music beats me up and taunts at me to keep up with it. I get through the combo alright but by no means was a stand out performer. This is proven when towards the end of class the teacher hand selects some guys to do the dance "give it up for the fellas" he says to the class. The problem is that there is me and 2 other guys who apparently aren't one of the 'fellas' chosen to perform for all the sweaty, pretty, young, body-rolling….. I'm off topic again. The class ends with the teacher doing the combo as well as continuing to what we have yet to learn. He is amazing! This is why I am here.
Second class. Street jazz. I wonder what shoes I should wear. My hip-hop shoes? bare fee? my jazz shoes? can't be jazz shoes because everyone in this room I bet is too cool for jazz shoes. I bet they would probably all rather wear their fancy funky socks they paid $28 dollars for. I find out soon enough. I see a couple people entering the room with runners and high-tops on. "OK" I think to myself. "red nike's, here we go again"
This class I know I will have fun in. The teacher starts by telling us about the music being "Jannelle Monae" whom I already love. We start the combo as waking up cyborgs…. I KNOW I will like this class. The steps are easier then hip hop but the combo requires even bigger movement and there is considerably more people in this wonderful dancing room. I'm actually concerned about kicking the girl behind me in the face at one point. As a quick side note, I stepped on my dancing neighbour later in the class. she took it in stride though. The class progresses and although I don't struggle with doing the steps I struggle big time with remembering the steps. My brain hurts. It's been a long day. I became very inconsistent. Sometimes when running the combo I nail it feeling like I was performing amazingly. Other times I can visualize myself being boo'd off the stage by the invisible audience for not being able to remember a level 1/2 combo!
I hop back on the skytrain (like the skytrain pro I am) to get to Stace's house (who has generously let me stay with her for a few days). We chat for while. I talk to my significant other, she talks to hers. I test her on flashcards she has made up for her upcoming test this week on every muscle and nerve in the body. The night end calmly as I fall asleep on the couch. A good day 1.

25 years of life

2010-10-04T22:26:00.002-06:00

so I just turned 25. A quarter century. a Piece of pie.

In the past few weeks leading up to my birthday I have found that I have been extremely reflective of my life to this point. I normally don't even care too much about my birthday and I'm not sure if my talent for staying alive is worthy of celebrating or acknowledging. hurray! I keep surviving! For some reason this year is different. I have been thinking quite a bit about my childhood, past experiences, and the person I am these days and here are some of my thoughts.

when I think about childhood almost all of my memories are positive. playing with my siblings, sunday afternoons at grandmas house, playing with the neighbors in the summer, sunday night dinners, and of course all of the special occassions like thanksgiving and christmas.

My girlfriend asked me just yesterday to name the 5 best moments in my life, and to my own surprise, I almost instantly was able to come up with my top 5. none of my top 5 involve getting married or having kids but I must say that I have enjoyed the journey and the next 25 should be interesting as well.

What I've been thinking a lot about lately is my life currently. At this stage of life, more than any other I have had or will have, I feel able to make my own life without having to worry about how my decisions impact others. I have the resources and knowledge to literally do anything or pursue any venture and not have a house and kids to worry about... to be tied down or set roots. What is interesting about having the world at my fingertips is that I am doing quite the opposite. I am looking to get a long term full time position with a good salary and stability. It is amazing how practicality can impact me. It is also amazing how dreams can conflict with each other. So when I think about my life now, I think about all the things I could do if I drop everything and how dropping everything would destroy so much of what I have worked for to this point.

When I really think about my life what stands out to me and the thing I want to do right now most is impact the lives of others. I feel like I have so much to give to the world and the people around me and that it almost always falls flat. this world we live in is so rushed, so saturated, so isolating that I find it discouraging that there are so few times we as people really connect. and I mean truly connect as human beings. We are too busy and too afraid to share how we feel and too worried about what social norms tell us are acceptable to break them. As I criticize it I know I am part of the problem. I would love very much to just sit and talk and listen with the people around me and connect with them but I am busy, I brush things off, I refuse to hear and see what is going on around me. I see the problem and am part of it. There is always something that needs to be done, always a time limit, always something prevents growth.
Of course, I have had many instances where I have been impacted by the people around me, often in ways they would look back on as insignificant. Profound for me. I hope I have done the same for others

My life has been good to this point. It will remain good I am sure but I miss being care-free and without restrictions.

I will end emphasizing that my life has been very good to this point and I have very few regrets. I will end with a couple of quotes.

"habit it a poor substitute for happiness"

"what would you do if you weren't afraid?"

I'm cocky? maybe you lack confidence.

2010-09-09T18:18:00.002-06:00

I've been told I'm cocky, which I certainly act sometimes and am even less. yes, I have a cocky streak but I think overall I'm fairly humble. anyways when I'm told Im cocky I have started to thin about who is telling me and in what context. it seems that the people who have issue with me acting or being cocky are the people who I think generally have lower self-esteem than others.

I am almost always confident... which is sometimes misinterpreted as cocky, and I have high-self-esteem and I personally like when I see athletes and performers who are cocky so long as they don't put down others while doing it. it is much different to say "I am the best" than saying "you suck and I will destroy you." I almost never have an issue with someone being cocky. I find it entertaining and if its the truth why not say it. if someone says they are the best and are the best whats wrong with saying that?

I can't help but think that when some people see skills or personality that they are envious of they feel bad about themselves. and what do we do when we feel bad? we tend to make others feel bad. "you're so cocky" instead of "wow, that was really good, you must have worked hard to be able to do that"

I am simply observing a trend I am seeing so the next time you hear someone say "oh, they are so cocky" take a look to see who is saying it and in what context. was this blog post cocky?

business crossover

2010-08-15T14:53:00.002-06:00

so if you read my blog you ma have noticed that I haven't written on it in a couple of months. this is one part laziness and four parts crappy computer. But thanks largely to mama I have a new computer and the blog can return. I have a number of quirky and original thoughts that have crossed my mind that I will share with you, one of which is business cross over. allow me to explain.

back in april I was driving through downtown and drove by an adult store to which the window was painted with deals celebrating 4:20 (smoking weed on a specific day). I thought to myself that this was bizarre. Why is sex and the purchasable novelties around sex being used in conjunction with smoking weed? They are seperate. I'm sure for some people they are very much intwined but I have to think that for most people (whoa re sexually active) weed and sex do not go hand in hand. It didn't make sense to me for a sex shop who is in the business of literally selling sex, a topic many people are uncomfortable talking about, to align itself with illegal drugs, something many people want to distance themselves from. doesn't seem like smart business. But I am not a business man and do not own any businesses and then I thought of another business that does this and I would guess with great success.
Walking by a vitamins and nutrient store the other day and saw that they sold clothing in addition to all the protein poweder and vitamins. the clothing was inevitably that of the MMA variety. This is no doubt so that all the people who go and buy their protein muscle shakes can also go buy their be-dazzled shiny "tapout" shirts at the same time. maybe its a good business move. Thats all I will say about that.

pajama pants

2010-03-19T12:18:00.002-06:00

pajamas in general are something I personally tend to associate with kids. not to say adults do not wear pajamas or pajama pants but when I think of who wears pajamas kids come to mind. I noticed a little trend about a week ago and that is teenagers wearing pajama pants with beer company prints. now when I think of beer and who drinks it I think of adults. Is it ironic that pajama pants (associated with youth) are made of beer prints (associated with adults) or is that just really clever marketing trying to get the young people to look "cool" and buy the product.... when they are old enough to enjoy it?

signal lights

2010-02-26T23:54:00.001-07:00

do you ever notice that no 2 signal lights are the same. This is something I noticed as a young boy and never ceases to interest me. do you think that car companies look up the amount of signals per minute (we can call it spm) and ensure that their cars are different. why can't the signals be in unison with each other? it would be nice if I could just once have my signal lights match that of the vehicles around me.

olympic flame

2010-02-01T12:54:00.003-07:00

I love watching the olympics. I always have. top athletes performing under pressure with such a prize and the whole world watching it is quite a spectacle. I also enjoy much of what the olympics brands itself about the world coming together and sharing in the experience.
Contrary to that I see and understand the dark side of the olympics. The side that has governments cut social spending and not only turn a blind eye but ensure that the world is uneducated about social problems. It was prevalent with social issues in Beijing and is prevalent as the olympics come to vancouver. There is also the cheating and scandals that have been involved in past games. One thing that stands out in my mind with every olympic games is how much hype is surrounding it and in a poof of 2 weeks it is over to only leave a memory.

With the olympic torch passing through kamloops last week (and I went out of my way to see it come through) I really felt that it captured what I view as the olympic spirit. It brought people together, there was excitement, pride, and celebration. It also was incredibly over hyped, exceptionally brief and for me slightly overshadowed by the security and how forced some of it was. for example the people had to stand at certain angles when lighting the torch and people running alongside the torch should security become a factor. I understand its need but physically seeing it be what I felt a bit over the top took away from the event.

It seems that the when talking about the olympics many people are polarized about the topic. so many in favor and drink in the product and lifestyle the olympics bring while others are passionately against it. I have mixed feelings about the entire process. What I think would be great is that the olympics were still strictly about competition. Not about epic opening ceremonies, marketing mascots, scandals, social problems, or any of that. In this day and age sports and competition is about so much more than the event itself. The olympic torch relay is another byproduct of this spectacle. Whether you love it or hate it that's how it is.

shopping cart chain

2010-01-12T11:24:00.002-07:00

no doubt the shopping cart was a great idea. it definitely beats the basket, especially if you have to buy heavier items like milk. The cart is great but I have on major problem with it. It isn't that the push handle has more bacteria than a toilet seat and it isn't the squeaky wheels or the wheels that don't work it is the chain to make you return the cart. not all grocery stores have the carts where you must put in change (a quarter or a loonie) to get your cart out but those chains I don't like. during the shopping experience if I want to stand on the bottom of my cart and glide around the store, which I still do, that little chain nub digs into my chest. It's not very enjoyable. Another reason I don't like the chain is when I am returning the cart to the row of carts. the length of the chain is such a pain. When you go to push your cart in the row you can see the chain of the cart in front dangling there but it poses a problem because as you push the cart in the chain gets wedged and so inevitably you end up having to push the cart in then pull it out enough to dig the chain out. All of this for a quarter! if the length of the chain was shorter then it would not get wedged in the cart which would be nice. If the chain was longer you could retrieve the chain and elevate it while you push your cart in to prevent the wedge. Of course the ultimate way around this dilemma is to put your chain up in the area where small children can sit to prevent the wedge from happening to the next person who will be putting there cart in the row. the next time you're at the grocery store you will think of this blog!

reflections of quitting christmas

2010-01-03T22:00:00.002-07:00

So as I decided and blogged some time ago I had decided to give up christmas consumerism. Of course, I am not immune to the pressures of the season. I certainly felt the pressure, and I did cave..... kind of.

I participated in an office gift exchange which over the weeks I probably spent about $40
I bought a t-shirt for someone else.
I spent $50 on my partner
I donated $10 to the food bank
I donated $20 to another charity to contribute to building and outhouse and a goat in Africa
I also worked 12 hours of gift wrapping with the proceeds going to the local sexual assault centre.

I also bought myself some presents but I don't know if I count that as christmas spending or money I would spend on myself or giving myself an excuse to spend money.

anyways, here are my thoughts:
to my own surprise when it came closer to the day instead of receiving lots of questioning and teasing I hardly received any. Almost everyone seemed to respect my decision and thought it was ok. at least this is my interpretation.

One thing that surprised me as that for the few gifts I did give out I expected bigger reactions from the recipients. One particular case sticks out where the recipient said thank you and as far as I can tell enjoyed the gift but I wanted more of a reaction. I felt like "it's a big deal that I am giving this. you're special because you ARE receiving something when others close to me are not. give me some gratitude" I then realized that it was just my ego wanting to be overly fed and that the response I had received for the gift was completely appropriate. I didn't need anything more but I think I had expected more of a thanks.

part of me did miss the excitement of shopping and giving and receiving gifts. the excitement of buying for others and thinking about what to buy them, wrapping the gifts, and of course waiting and wondering what is in the gifts for me and anxiously waiting for others to open the gifts I had bought them.

On the other hand I did not miss anything as far as the reasons for quitting christmas. I didn't miss the stress of shopping and more than anything I did not miss having an empty wallet.

as a final conclusion: I'm glad I did it but at the exact same time I don't know if I would do it again, or if I did do it again if I would do it as rigid as I was this year. maybe I could just tone it back. it was certainly a learning experience.

scholarship

2009-11-22T19:40:00.002-07:00

a couple of weeks ago I went to a dance convention in vancouver. In the weeks leading up to it I was debating whether or not I should even go. There was the money factor plus there was not going to be any tap dancing which is one of my favorite forms of dance. After much internal debate and one swipe of my credit card I decided I would go after all. One of the main reasons I decided to go was to dance for me and for nobody else. When I typically dance I dance for the exercise, for the social elements, and for the people watching and to put on a good show. Of course I dance because I love to dance but this was more about focusing on the art of dancing just for myself and for nobody else.

When I was dancing I got everything out of the convention that I had hoped. I was challenged and danced all kinds of styles and learned new things. Beyond that going to a convention like this re-inspires. When I walked into the big room and saw all the different dancers and different clicks of different and exceptional skill levels its and interesting emotion that came over me. Excitement, anxious, nervous, intimidated, lonely all bundled into one. A great weekend

At the end of the weekend there was a segment giving out scholarships to different levels of dancers. I signed up as a teacher so I was not eligible for a scholarship. the organizers announced the people who won different levels of scholarships and then told all those listening that a teacher scholarship was introduced. I, having danced all weekend was tired didn't think I would win. I especially didn't think I would win because I had seen a number of other dancers who I thought were very deserving. Long story short, I won the scholarship.

I was ridiculously surprised. After I giggled to myself and realized I won and the reality of the moment hit me the implication of the scholarship hit me. And it was the implication of the scholarship that really made me feel good.

first off, there were a tonne of dancers in that room that were phenomenal so winning the scholarship validated that I could at least keep up with those dancers. I KNOW I was NOT one of the best dancers in that room but I at least kept up with them which is a wonderful validation.

winning also told me that the teachers saw something in me. I doubt that the scholarship was won exclusively on dance ability. I dressed up on halloween, tried to be friendly, and did have a chance to talk to a couple of the teachers. I guess winning the scholarship told me that there was something about me that makes me different (in a good way). In a room of over 150 dancers it could be hard to stand out. I was the only person in the room with a beard. maybe the beard won.

Finally, the scholarship gave confidence and renewed passion. In a way winning the scholarship gave me my mojo back . I went back to the dance studio reinvigorated with my own dancing and in my teaching and choreography. So much more than the little piece of paper that is the scholarship winning it has done great strides in building my confidence as a dancer/teacher/choreographer. So something that I didn't think would happen and that I was eligible for has turned into a magnificent building block for my dancing moving forward.

how many times?

2009-11-13T10:26:00.002-07:00

I was contemplating the other day how often parents say their kids names. Then I began to wonder what the actual number of times a parent says their child's name. Please feel free to guess in the comments link at the bottom of this post. So if you care to venture a guess here are the rules: the time period is from when the child is in the womb to when it turns 18, and the name only counts when the parents is referencing the child or talking to the child. my guess is 350,000 times.

highway lines

2009-11-03T12:24:00.003-07:00

I was driving on the highway the other day and I noticed in a way I hadn't noticed before the line (or multiple lines I guess) that tell us which lane we are in and drive over when we switch lanes. I began to wonder how long these lines are. I always thought of them as quite short but when I looked I began to wonder how long they actually were. when traveling at 100km/h it is hard to judge exact distance. I came up with the idea that the lines are probably about 8 or 9 feet each. When I asked my beloved partner (out of the blue) how long she thought they were she said maybe 2 or 3 feet to which we disagreed, examined the lines, looked at the lines seperating oncoming traffic and decided that they were longer. So i pose this question to my readers. how long do you think one of the white lines of the line divider are? and if you do think about it when you are driving, does your mind change from the original answer you have reading this before looking at it while driving. I have no idea how long they actually are. these are the things that I think of.

already failed

2009-10-27T21:52:00.002-06:00

so my intention was to quit christmas consumerism and I have already failed in the essence of completely quitting. without my knowledge I was put into one of my jobs "seceret pals" it is the equivalent to secret santa and goes every week until christmas break. so I have already had to make purchases in the spirit of christmas. This is even before Halloween. Oh well, I'm still sticking to it the best I can.

don't lie

2009-10-20T12:11:00.002-06:00

in chatting with a coworker and friend the other day we came to the conclusion that adults are really just a bunch of hypocrites. This all started how we were talking about how wouldn't it be wonderful if we were all as honest as children. Kids just say thing without any ego, any worry of how it is interpreted, and any worry of sparing feelings.

How wonderful would it be if we all were so bluntly honest. People would express their true feelings and call other people on their shit much more often.

as good as that would be I thought about how we lie and are hypocrites. One lesson fed to kids over and over and over again is the importance of honesty. I am one of the most honest people I know but I certainly lie from time to time like anyone else. So here we have a situation where the adults and grown-ups of the world are spouting the importance of honesty and punishing dishonesty when we ourselves go through the world lying frequently.

teen challenge

2009-10-10T12:48:00.002-06:00

the other day I had a conversation with a teenage high school student. she was telling me that she wanted to try out for her school cheer leading team but was hesitant because was worried it would be full of nerds. long story short the conversation boiled down to me challenging her as to what exactly constitutes a nerd. I give her credit for being able to honestly answer me despite some hesitation. I love challenging people on their thoughts. Many times I challenge others on their beliefs they tend to tell me to shut up, or ask me why I'm asking, or tell me I'm being weird. When I hear these replies it typically translates to "your making me uncomfortable or I'm ashamed of my answer or I don't want to tell you" This particular young lady was able to verbalize what she thought even though she was not too pleased with her answer. So I thought to myself: if someone asked you a challenging question about your beliefs would you be able to answer it out loud? A question about our personnel prejudice would be a good example.
It's worth thinking about and I'm not sure many of us are able to answer the tough questions. could you?

Quitting Christmas Consumerism

2009-09-29T23:36:00.002-06:00

I have decided this year to give up the consumerism of christmas. by this I mean NO presents giving or receiving. This was a decision I had made a couple of months ago but was an idea I had entertained last year. I just feel that as I get older christmas loses mroe and more of its magic and the reason for this is because people get wrapped up in the consumerism. I love chritmas. I love hanging out with friends and family and drinking and eating and just being in one anothers company. What takes away from this more and more each year is the pressure to buy buy BUY!

The reasons for me to quit christmas consumerism are a few. Teh first I think is a test for myself to see if I can infact do it and that I truly want to do it and I am not trying to convince myself of some society challenging idea that I am not behind.

the second reason for this is to save money. In years past I have spend hundreds if not thousands of dollars on gifts. Many of which I wanted to buy but there were certainly many along the way that I felt I had to buy. gift exchanges or gifts to reciprocate when I knew some were coming my way. Let's stop the waste of cash.

The third is to challenge other people's way of thinking. This is an idea I have had simmering on my mental back burners for a few years and am now putting into action. If I am thinking this and willing to make it happen there have got to be some others who feel the same way or at least have the thought somewhere in their brain as well. In my early claims of telling people my plans I have received mixed reviews. from "good idea" and "I agree" to flat out "why?" and my partner even saying about others "they won't be challenged, they will think your stupid."

So from now until christmas I am sure I will put up a few posts about this challenge of giving up christmas consumerism. If I am feeling the pressure, my responses from others, and the journey from now untill the end of December. Should be interesting.

identification

2009-09-22T16:33:00.002-06:00

I noticed something the other day. the only jobs that require you have i.d. are the really low end jobs (fast food, grocery store, mall cop etc.) and really high end and dangerous jobs (surgeons, pro athletes, cops, military). Interesting how the mid range jobs do not have name tags or the name sewn right in. In fact, its not only name tags but the notion of wearing a uniform as well. so the next time you find yourself wearing a name tag ask yourself: are you working a well respected and high paying job? or not so much?

the scooter wave

2009-09-16T17:47:00.002-06:00

I got a scooter a few months ago. I was so thrilled to get it as I have wanted one for years. One of the appeals of the scooter life was (albeit a small one) was the scooter community. I would watch scooterers wave at each other the way bikers do and bus drivers do and boaters do. you don't have to know these people to be friendly, it is simply sharing a passion, or at least a hobby, and the wave is a friendly gesture. who doesn't like when others are friendly. I got my first scooter wave about a month after getting my scooter and it felt amazing. like I was in some sort of club that before I could only watch from afar as they did their secret handshakes. Since receiving my first scooter wave I have since given out many and received many as well. lately there seems to be a lull in the kamloops scooter community. I've been dishing out the waves, the smiles, and the head nods and the response seems to have decreased. I seldom get the wave and one gentleman didn't even acknowledge the scooter wave... In any way! (the catalyst for this particular blogging). I'm not sure what forces are at work but I know I don't like it. I liked getting the wave. the smile is nice but it's no wave. My latest scooter acknowledgments seem to be a far cry form the early stages of the scootering which included waves and even on one occasion (from the passenger of a red vespa) a cheer of approval... which I reciprocated with a fist pump. Nothing like a good fist pump.
Anyways, I would like if more scooterers gave the wave. Although I did get a couple of high school kids encouraging me to "spill" today. I chose to disapoint them.

he makes lots of money

2009-09-11T13:25:00.002-06:00

alright, so I can't help to talk about something I have noticed in the past couple months. A number of girl friends of mine have been in relationships for some time and whenever it comes up in conversation with old friends and new ones his income enters the conversation. What is interesting is that the conversation doesn't really progress to that direction, it seems to be brought up out of the blue. I understand that there is alot of pressure on men in this society to make lots of money and be the bread winner and take care of his woman but I find it interesting that the woman is bringing it up. It is not something I particularly care about hearing but for whatever reason this is a common topic that is being shared. interesting.

the urinal stand

2009-09-08T15:43:00.002-06:00

I enjoy being a guy. One of the best traits of being male is the ability to pee anywhere (was great at camp), specifically to stand up. One specific time this is nice is at crowded events such as sporting events and concerts where there is a break in the entertainment and the people go flooding into the washroom and the line for the boys is short and moving quickly while the line for the women is long and slow moving.
As nice as this is I still find the setting in the male washroom interesting. For some reason a lot of guys stand at the urinal far after the liquid has drained. Many times I step up the the porcelain after a guy next to me has already been there for a a little bit and I finish and walk away and the guy is still there. I know he is done peeing for 2 reasons: 1) I don't think anybody can pee for a full minute mid-day (even first thing in the morning its a stretch) 2) if you stand behind them you can tell that no fluid is coming down..... ya, sometimes I look (but never from the side). So I am left wondering why guys do this.
Are they simply enjoying the quiet moment in the large noisy event or are they trying to silently brag? is there some sort of ego posturing where nobody talks and for some reason everyone stands a little bit too long showing everyone else that they have a large bladder? I don't know why this is but the guys standing too long at the urinal is a strange situation.

the return of the blog 2

2009-09-07T00:53:00.002-06:00

so I started blogging again. this is my first entry in months because I was busy with school ending and going back to summer camp after three years off (I started this blog a long time ago)

In reading my past few entries I realized that my theme of late has been things that annoy me so I will depart from that today before I go on a rant on my next blog about guys in the washroom. today I deliver good news to my readers.

With school now over for me I wasn't sure where I would be living in the coming months whether it was going to be kamloops or edmonton. I am happy to report that I was able to land a couple of jobs and thus allowing me to live in kamloops for at least another year (dance season). stay tuned for interesting stories, the things that I find annoying, and whatever else I think to write of.

mature humor?

2009-03-23T21:37:00.002-06:00

there are a number of fairly popular shows that I have or do sometimes enjoy watching. shows such a family guy definitely fall into this category. Although I enjoy the show significantly less (I've grown out of its immaturity, but still watch it sometimes) something caught my eye about this show and shows like it. The humor on many shows regardless of what kind are actually quite immature in terms of what the values are or whose expense the jokes are made at. what is interesting is the little moment when the television says that 'viewer discretion is advised' it is because this program 'may contain "mature" humor or content'. why is it called mature humor or content when it is actually quite immature? doesn't make sense.

movie clap

2009-03-23T21:29:00.002-06:00

there are two things I don't like when I go to the movies. the first I simply do not understand. This is when people clap at the end of movies. you may have liked the movies but chances are that nobody who directly worked on teh film are there are will hear your appreciation. clapping at the end of movies just doesn't make sense, who are you clapping to? the other thing I don't like at movies I simply can't stand. This is when people are texting or answering phones. It drives me up the wall. when I see people playing with their phones in the theatre alot of the time they hold the phone in a way that they think the light is minimal and therefore not distracting, It's a big dark room! any light is noticeable! it is just so distracting, and frustrating.

christmas hampers

2009-02-12T15:57:00.002-07:00

This was a post I was going to make back in december (hamper season) but simply forgot about it until now. So I know a number of people who have put together an delivered christmas hampers. now I never personally have done the hamper delivery, its not the form of charity I find that enjoyable. anyways, many of the people I know who have delivered hampers (but not all) have later said that they can't believe how rude the people are who are the recipients. I hear comments about how un-thankful they are, how rude they are, what horrible conditions the house is in, and how it is disgusting that the parents spend money on smokes instead of buying their kids diapers. When I hear comments like this I can't help but think 'what the hell did you expect?' Do these people who deliver hampers think that the parent (usually one and usually the mother) have the time or energy to clean. also, do they think that it is a happy occassion to answer the door to a charity basket? as good as I'm sure the food is for the family to receive the food the act of receiving it can be highly embarassing and emotional. Of course these people are going to be rude and defensive. What gets me is when the people who deliver these hampers have finished delivering them and are morally dejected and don't want to deliver them again. I'm sure these same people would love to do it again if they received many thanks upon delivery complete with the tearful eyes of appreciation. So self-righteous! use some thought instead of blindly expecting thanks

special dvd's/blu-ray's

2009-02-01T17:14:00.002-07:00

I love movies, watching movies, going to the movies, talking about movies, and all that good stuff. One thing I find irritating about movies when they are made to personal purchase (dvd/blu-ray) is the different editions they come out with. I can accept selling the cinematic version and seeing a collector's addition that perhaps has some more special features and a fancier case. I'm good with that. What I don't like are the other versions. Versions such as extended version (which just includes a couple of scenes that have no real relevance to the plot), directors cut (isn't the film we saw in theatres the directors cut, if they have the final say on everything), unrated (any movie that has this probably wasn't rated PG to begin with, but what takes the cake are the movies that come out with edition that try and pertain to the film. 'The rocker' just came out and you can buy the special 'born to rock' edition of this film. What the hell does that mean? it is such a clear example of marketers slapping a couple extra scenes on the disk or a few extra words on the label and charging more money. the unfortunate part is that so many people can't wait to get their hands on the unrated extended directors version that was way too extreme for theatres!!!!

drive thru honk

2009-01-26T21:17:00.002-07:00

why are drive thru's spelt drive thru and not drive through? doesn't make much sense to me. anyways, I write today to talk about an experience I had not long ago. I was waiting in line at the drive thru after my order was made and waiting for the car in front of me to be finished. as I was doing that my partner and I were fiddling through the spare change to get the exact amount. as we were counting a truck behind me honked at me. It was because the vehicle in front had finished and had pulled away and I was to proceed to the window. I drove forward and waited. which got me thinking, why did that guy honk? surely he knows how drive thru's work. he must know that when you pull up to the window you have to wait longer? I assume this person does know this so the honk because unnecessary. Unless I was sitting there for 30 seconds or more I think the honk is unnecessary. Although I may move up the line faster it does not change how fast the people handing me my greasy food moves. so if you are ever in a drive thru line...don't honk, it doesn't make a difference. unless the difference is you think a complete stranger may write a blog about how unnecessary your action is.

sewing extinct

2009-01-22T20:46:00.002-07:00

as society and culture advances there are certain things that have or inevitably are on their way of becoming extinct. One such item is the sound of a phone hanging up. think about it, most people have wireless phones or cell phones so if someone wants to hang up the phone on you instead of hearing all the clinking and clunking or plastic and the anger flowing through it all you hear is a dead sound. Another one of these 'things' that are becoming extinct is the skill of sewing. It seems to me that 30-40 years so many mother's and ladies sewed. It also seems to me that the modern mother typically does not know how to sew. This was a skill that their parents possessed and they therefore never needed to learn the skill. maybe its just me that thinks this way because I do know that many sewers still exist but perhaps it is becoming more of a specialized skill. then again I could just be talking out of my butt. I never claim to know what I am talking about but you read this so you get my ideas. hahaha

fat brides

2009-01-19T17:54:00.002-07:00

so I was recently looking at some pictures on facebook of some friends who had been to weddings. weddings are of course wonderful occasions where everyone is happy, loving, and looking their best. I couldn't help but see that in some of the wedding photos I have seen in recent months a number of the brides were overweight. despite your wedding day being one of the happiest day of your life and the pictures from that day being with you for the rest of your life I can't help but think amidst all the happiness that there is a part of the brides mind that is thinking 'I wish I wasn't fat'. I think this is relevant because in society so many girls and young ladies invest so much energy into 'their perfect day' picturing what it will look like years in advance, and although I haven't done that I doubt many of the young ladies out there who do plan their wedding in advance don't picture themselves in a dress that hides the curves instead of shows them off. the other reason it is relevant is because so many brides (from what I can tell) try very hard to lose weight before their wedding so that they can fit the dream dress. If they are successful and lose the weight for the wedding they (most times) put the weight back on and then try and hold this ideal for the years following to get back to their wedding weight. all in all I think that there is too much pressure put on brides (by everyone including themselves) to look perfect. I can't help but think that fat brides are a a little bit disappointed on their wedding day because of the weight they carry.

airports

2009-01-12T16:48:00.002-07:00

with the holiday season over I spent some time in airports and on airplanes and made a couple of observations:
1) it doesn't matter who you are, if you have to walk out onto the tarmac to board the jet plane you can't help but feel just a little bit bad-ass
2) do planes have snow tires? I can't decide because they still have to be using their wheels in winter but then again the runways are always kept clean and I think the cost of owning and changing tires on a plane would be very expensive.
3) affection is allowed to be unlimited. most locations and institutions in our society allows for minimal physical signs of affection. in airports people are allowed to hug, cuddle, cry, and kiss as much as they want and nobody thinks anything of it which would not be the same for say standing in line at the bank.
4) of all the different lines people stand in over the course of their life I think the metal detector line is most bizarre. instead of being relieved at being in the front like you get with most lines the metal detector lines shows people quite anxious and even unclear as to what to do. my favorite part is watching people walk up to the line, lean a little bit forward, straighten their arms, and make the confused face until the person with the wand says its ok to walk.
One other point of interest that I thought about when walking today is that it seems that many older adults (65+) don't wear t-shirts. when I think about it the only time I see t-shirts on the oldest members of our population is when they are exercising.

scary movies

2009-01-06T21:23:00.002-07:00

most people can figure out the horror movie archetype of a people (usually young and attractive) getting into a situation over their head where a psycho person or psycho spirit is haunting them. What I realized the other day is that not only are the archetypes the same but so are the titles. When I thought about it most (definitely not all though) scary movies are two or three words, typically two. The first word is 'the' and the second word is a noun of some sort. The haunted mansion, the ring, and now coming out is the unborn which is what stimulated this thought. Not my biggest revelation but something none the less.

likes and dislikes of 2008

2009-01-05T18:54:00.002-07:00

some of my likes and dislikes of the past year:
likes:
my partner
the food network
driving to the shushwap for work
university learning
the music of justin nozuka
dance choreography

dislikes:
some of my professors at school
the music of lil wayne
skinny jeans, especially on males
britney spears and the media buzz she generates for no apparent reason
debt

facebook friend deletes

2008-12-30T15:53:00.002-07:00

it seems everyone has facebook. Many people on face book literally have hundreds of 'facebook friends' I call them facebook friends because many times they are not friends but rather people you have known at one point or another. I am one of the guilty people who has far more facebook friends than actual friends because there is no way that I could maintain some 250 friendships or relationships of any kind. I noticed one day that my number of friends had gone down by a few one day and that some of my facebook friends seem to have deleted me. I didn't bother for a second trying to figure out who it was because if I don't notice that they have deleted me to begin with then chances are the friendship isn't a strong one that I would keep without the aid of facebook.
the new facebook however has a little application called 'people you may know' I realized that one of the people I may know quite recently was a facebook friend. I had a chuckle. I wasn't bothered that the person had erased me as a friend but you would think that facebook would change the settings so that people who just deleted you do not appear as facebook friend candidates. careful who you delete!

dash or a sprinkle

2008-12-29T21:10:00.002-07:00

my good friend Sawyer and I were at lunch today and we had a disagreement. the disagreement came out when talking about cooking and the adding of ingredients. the argument is basically this: when adding spice, what is more a dash or a sprinkle. is a dash a portion of a sprinkle or is a sprinkle a portion of a dash? These terms can be confusing. As I type this my dad has decided to weigh in on the argument and has brought the term 'pinch' into the equation. so what is the order of volume when it comes to dashes, sprinkles, and pinches of ingredients? Regardless of what you think ask someone else what they think and I assure you that their hand gesturing will be amusing as they try and clarify their position.

guys turn gay

2008-12-26T14:37:00.002-07:00

I can't remember if I had wrote about this previously and frankly, I'm too lazy to check. have you ever noticed how males seem to get very affectionate and emotional with each other when they drink? it seems that the alcohol allows them to break their societal gender role as a male and allows them to be emotioanl and affectionate with his male counterparts. this is something that is strictly forbidden in the world of male bonding and common place in the realm of female interaction. but beware if no alcohol is involved then suddenly you are a fag, a pussy, a bitch, or a queer. Somehow showing friendship whether it be a hug, simply hanging out, or even verbally expressing appreciation for a friend is frowned upon. Appearances sure are important to keep, and I have no idea why.

happy holidays vs. merry christmas

2008-12-23T14:33:00.002-07:00

unfortunately I have been painfully lazy when it comes to my blog lately, oh well. I have heard many people lately talking about how they are disappointed that happy holidays has taken over the public realm and how it should still be merry christmas. I personally think that it should be happy holidays. I recognize that christmas is the reason for this time of year and the reason people buy gargantuan (good word, huh?) amounts of food, but christmas has been warped. Seldom is the christian reason and meaning of christmas visible without going out of your way to find it. There are so many people out there who could care less about the christian way of celebrating the holidays but still enjoy the holidays. whether these people are apathetic, of different faiths, or no faith at all many people celebrate the holidays and not christmas. I have no issue with the people who simply celebrate christmas but my problem comes from when people think that there way is the only way. Changing the greeting people that one another give is such a small element of the holiday season. When you say merry christmas you ignore many people who don't celebrate so next time give thought to saying happy holidays. The fight of what to say is small so why not take everyone into account and be empathetic instead of ethnocentric and stubborn. happy holidays everyone!

small cars

2008-11-19T12:37:00.002-07:00

even though the price of fuel has gone done considerably lately the concern of fuel costs and the economy for that matter is still on many people's minds. when it comes to transportation many people drive cars. smaller and smaller cars are becoming increasingly popular as they are cheaper to buy, cheaper to fill up, and simply cheaper to own. Most people love the small cars, infact I have heard of many small car owners cursing those gas guzzling SUV drivers for their lack of consideration for the environment and the economy. So it seems most people are in favor of small cars except for one situation. I have discovered that everyone seems to hate small cars at a certain point. do you know what this moment is? go ahead mull it over...... when is the one time you hate small cars? If you give up let me tell you. it is when you are in a crowded parking lot. the reason you probably are hating the small car is because everytime you get close to a stall that looks like its free you get a little close and realize that it is simply parked deep in the stall and was hiding behind the truck. we don't get mad at the truck for blocking our view, we get mad at the car who broke our heart. Interesting, isn't it?

top 40

2008-11-17T17:43:00.002-07:00

an interesting thought came to me as I was driving the other day and listening to the radio. I thought about how much music is out in the world and is accessible and yet so many of us listen to the station that plays "the hot hits" "today's best music" or is "the only hit music station". I am sick of top 40 music. There is some good music that hits the tops of the charts, but not much, and not much of it compares to the world of music out there that is so diverse. the music I listen to when I flip on radio stations is all so packaged and processed as so much more than music: a lifestyle, a product, a desire. What is worse than this 'fluff' being so popular is that fact that so many people buy into it, literally. Musical diversity is something that seems to be such a foreign concept to so many people at a time when there is so much out there. Furthermore, it is distressing to try an introduce new music to other people because if it doesn't have a bass driven intro and a music video on much music or mtv then you might have already lost regardless of how good the song is. Something I always find funny is when I ask people who seem to listen to nothing more than what L.A. is telling them to listen to what they listen to they reply "everything", there is never any further explanation than this. What does everything mean? everything on much music? HOW DIVERSE! So much of the chart topping music is crap and is marketed so cleverly to people that so many people are told what kind of music they like. My epiphany, "hit music" is not music and is for people who need to be told what kind of music they like. So think to yourself the next time you hear a song from Rihanna, T.I., Katy Perry, Beyonce, Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake, or any of music's big hitters, is it the music I really like? do I like the image more? what am I really being sold? and of course, is there better music out there? the answer to that last question is a loud and resounding yes!

Obama

2008-11-14T16:25:00.002-07:00

I have been neglectful of my blog recently, oh well. I wanted to reflect on the American election that occurred earlier this month. As the whole world now knows Obama was elected. I made an extended effort to stay up to date with the election as it unfolded. I was in class when Obama was elected and was happy as I was definitely cheering for him over McCain. The best part of the entire election process including the months leading up to it was watching Obama's victory speech. To see America celebrating the choice of Obama was something special. This was the first time in my life I was actually proud or happy for America. I think this is significant, being Canadian I am effected by all things America. Despite all the influence America has had on my life I have never had a true moment I was happy for America until then. It seems that America finally got it right. In 200 years when history is written who knows how Obama's legacy will be remembered. The fact is that many people are thrilled to have him as the President and that is incredibly significant now.

vegas 2

2008-11-03T13:05:00.002-07:00

One of the funniest things about vegas was hearing children talk about vegas. Through all the lights, sounds, smells, and distractions there was something human and innocent (certainly not characteristics of vegas) in hearing children speak of it. The best moment was when I was walking down the strip and a little girl, probably about 4, said to her father "daddy, why is vegas so snazzy?" very funny indeed.

vegas

2008-10-27T17:05:00.002-06:00

so I went to las vegas for a week. it was really fun. seeing pictures of the city really doesn't do it justice. it is such a sensory city. everywhere you go it is so much more than lights. there are constant smells, sounds, sights, and even to some extent touches and tastes. By the end of our 1 week there we were all ready to come home as the city sucks all the energy out of you...but you love it.

election day

2008-10-14T16:16:00.002-06:00

I have been rather busy lately and subsequently I have been lazy with my blog. In my continuation of why I'm not voting conservative I was going to mention how the conservative government was one of only 2 nations in the entire developed world that refused to sign a declaration of rights for indigenous people (I believe new zealand was the other). What does this say about how the government feels about aboriginal people? it is pretty disgusting when you think that the government of a nation does not want to advance the fundamental rights of its own people. The other thing I was going to mention was Stephen Harper's lack of platform. He continually said he is a strong leader with a real plan and that the other parties were experimenting with the economy. Where was the conservative platform? even the last few days of the election did not seem to show much in terms of a plan for the conservative government. It looks like (at this point of election day) that Harper is going to have another minority government on his hands to work with. Maybe he doesn't need a platform after all. Maybe his plan is to continue to sacrifice some conservative ideologies and bargain with the other parties like the liberals and the NDP.

Why I'm not voting conservative. part II

2008-10-02T22:15:00.002-06:00

It bothers me that Harper is cracking down on youth crime. Don't get me wrong, I think crime should definitely be reduced but I despise the stance being taken. It is very popular opinion that it is better to educate, counsel, and rehabilitate offenders of crime instead of locking them away. In fact, the national correctional services website (official government site) talks about the importance of using rehabilitation programs to help offenders. This same current government is now saying it wants to be tougher on young offenders (longer sentences in adult prisons) for crimes ranging from murder to property crime. If this comes to fruition then teens as young as 14 can face lengthy sentences in adult prisons. There are 2 elements that annoy me about this. first, the government is saying it doesn't care all that much about rehabilitating criminals (lock them up longer instead of rehabilitating). Second, and more annoying from a political standpoint is that the government seems to be playing on the fears of the public. Conservatives get a huge amount of their support from seniors. It's a clever strategy because not many seniors care how long youth are locked up for, but better because it plays on the fears of an aging population. The fear mongering is effective because the aging population (for the most part) is scared of the wild, disrespectful, moral-less, arrogant, foul-mouthed, strange dressing teenagers. It's bad enough they listen to alternative music and color their hair but can you think of the damage these kids are doing to their property!!!! they must be punished!! It is a smart strategy for the conservatives to play off the fears of the population. But think critically, instead of locking people up for longer why not put that money towards rehabilitation programs. Take it one step further, get seniors and youth interacting more often. Both young and old alike could benefit in countless way by interacting with one another.... bridge the gap don't pass policy expanding it!

election: why I'm not voting conservative. part I

2008-09-30T14:01:00.003-06:00

So as anybody who doesn't live under a rock knows, there is a national election happening on october the 14th. I have become much more politically aware in the last couple of years and now feel I am a relatively informed voter. Over the course of the next couple of weeks until the election I will share my thoughts and views. Today I will write about one of the many reasons I will NOT be voting conservative. The conservative party has come under scrutiny for cutting spending on arts (which encompassed in culture). The conservatives have claimed that they have actually increased culture spending. the problem is that culture is very broad and arts, not so much. The Harper government spent better than 3.2 billion on culture last year and that spending went down minimally to 3.08 billion. Other than the fact that Harper lied about increase spending there is a catch. Encompassed in culture is sports. I might not be an economist but I would think that quite a bit of money has been invested in the Olympics which is coming to this country in 2 years. So if you increase the spending in sports and your overall culture spending goes down, how does your spending in arts increase? In addition to his lying one thing that pissed me off about the topic of art was when he was defending himself in a press conference. Harper said that ordinary Canadians would not want to watch television and see some gala for rich people that their tax money went to. This didn't make any sense. the notion that art is some sort of elitist activity is absurd. Many people enjoy the arts on a day to day basis without even realizing that art is all around them. I'm a "ordinary" Canadian and I love art.

water flavor

2008-09-26T00:16:00.003-06:00

a thought occurred to me the other day. people always have a preference with water and which water tastes the best form which source. what I was wondering was not so much which flavor is the best but rather have flavor determines what is best. the fundamental question is "if water has less flavor, does that make it taste better" and interesting question because we typically think of everything we ingest as needing more flavor to taste better. is water the contrary substance?

university love

2008-09-23T17:33:00.003-06:00

university is of course a hub for young people. a culture within a culture where knowledge expands, ideas are created and we all change in one way or another. These changes are visible by anyone who stops to take the time to watch common interactions of common places in university. Upon such common viewings I notice that one thing that is different in university culture from that of 'regular (western canadian white) culture' is that love and relationships seem strangely absent. With this many people spending so much time around this many people you would think there would be more visible signs of hook-ups and floating hearts. not to mention the hormones that inevitably pump through us all. I do see it from time to time, but much less. the media and certain stereotypical characters tell us that hook-ups and falling in love at school is common place so why isn't it visible?

numbers are confusing

2008-09-17T14:39:00.002-06:00

everyone has little annoyances here and there. I recently discovered that one of my little annoyances is having the date written exclusively in number form. It's not so much that it is written in numbers so much as that it is confusing because there is no universal way to write it. if I write todays date it is september 17, 2008. perfectly understandable. if I write 17/09/08 or as 09/17/08 it is understandable. The year is typically the last number so I am not including it for the argument. the day and month get interchanged. now on a day such as the 17th it is not an issue because there are only 12 months in a year. If I write a different date say 06/10/08 you don't know if it is october sixth or june thenth (on a document for example). If you put the year into the equation and you could be lost for some time. why is there no universal way to write the date? a small annoyance.

that awkward moment

2008-09-15T13:47:00.002-06:00

I thought I would write today about that moment we sometimes experience when out in public that can be a little bit weird or a little bit funny. the moment I am referring to is when you need to go to the washroom and you are in public. specifically, the moment is when you go to push the door open and there is a person on the other side of the door pulling it at that exact moment. this has happened to me a number of times. Once in awhile its funny as I look sheepishly at the person from the other side as if I DIDN'T almost fall over, or we end up doing that weird dance where neither person knows which side of the other to walk around. Other times its awkward, for example, one of the two of you is in a rush and is forced to pause by this silly encounter. Or my personal favorite, the persons hand is still a little bit damp from washing and they go to hold the door open, but you're a little bit afraid of touching to door at the same spot because they were just waving their pork sword (juno reference) around. The public bathroom is a weird and mysterious place where even the door to it can be full of adventure.

not a fan of the fashion

2008-09-14T00:48:00.002-06:00

so a couple of mornings every week I don't have to get up in a rush and head off to school. So in my dillying and dallying I flip through channels on the television. if you have ever watched day time television you know that the networks don't exactly put their best programming on at 10am on a tuesday. Anyways, I was flipping through the channels and came across a fashion show. I don't mean a fashion show in the sense of people walking down a runway but rather a show informing people how to dress or in this particular show 'what not to wear'. I was almost instantly annoyed with this program as it made jokes at this particular womens expense but then many other groups of people. upon watching another fashion show 'style by jury' I was even more appalled. I couldn't believe how much everyone who wasn't getting the make over was critical and out right mean. now I know its part of television, but it was like with these shows that these women were being boxed into this tiny little ideal. a part of me thought 'who cares if she wants to wear a yellow blazer, she's not hurting anyone' while another part of me thought 'well, she signed up for this'. My biggest issue with the programs were the negative references to elderly people. The big notion that looking old is the worst thing possible and you have to do absolutely everything in your power to stop it is absurd. why can't people just look the age they are? how can we even tell when everyone is told they need to look younger, slimmer, fitter, sexier, and everything else. But I suppose at the end of the day shows like these are trying to pass as informational when they really are just just another branch of consumerism... mooks out!

work up a good eye burn

2008-09-09T11:39:00.003-06:00

as the new school year has started I am reminded of a few experiences I receive exclusively through school. One of these feelings is what I call the 'eye burn'. This feeling is the one you get when you have been up for more than 20 hours, have read for about 8 straight hours, or have spent an entire day in front of a television or computer screen. It kind of feels like you want to close your eyes but it has this strange tingle-ing feeling. Yesterday I worked up my first good eye burn of the school year. many more to follow I am sure.

we all know the answer so don't ask

2008-09-05T18:41:00.003-06:00

I was in one of my classes again and the question that has come up so many times in the more sensitive classes came up: what can we do as a class to make this a 'safe' place? and it seems that everyone knows exactly what to say and knows what is going to be said but yet nobody answers. a bit of the diffusion of responsibility is to blame. I didn't say anything even though the phrase I was thinking of got said almost word for word. isn't it strange how we don't respond to the questions we are most comfortable answering?

september and stinky towels

2008-09-04T12:55:00.002-06:00

so I took the summmer off from my blog. I could have written things but I decided that I didn't want to so now that it is september perhaps I will write a little more. The topic I choose to talk about today is stinky towels. Any towel that has been around for more than a couple washes seem to stink. now I know this isn't just my towels as I have been to many houses and it seems all towels stink. Its a bit like moldy water and hair follicles. if you don't believe me or you think I'm a liar the next time you are about to jump in the shower give your towel a big wiff.

paying later

2008-07-11T12:09:00.002-06:00

I don't like cell phones very much. One thing I can't stand about cell phones and I don't enjoy in general is having to pay for something AFTER you use it. I got a cell phone bill the other day that was almost $100. I knew all the calls I made and I didn't get inappropriatlely charged but I thought 'I've already used this and NOW I after to pay" I didn't feel ripped off but it was out of my mind. I don't like the task of paying for anything after its been used. one of those things I guess

baby showers

2008-07-03T11:18:00.002-06:00

so I went to a baby shower this past week. I know its traditionally an estrogen fest but I was invited and had nothing else to do so I went with my girlfriend. It was a very interesting experience, one in which I had 2 main reoccurring thoughts. the first is that I am amazed how big boobs get post pregnancy. I always heard that the boobs get bigger but witnessing a few different ladies who are still breast feeding and MY GOD those things are loaded! the second thought I had was how an event like a baby shower feeds in to so many of the stereotypes of women. gossip, emotional, primary caregiver, enjoying time in the kitchen, and all the rest. now maybe I've been in school too long and have heard too much liberating feminist ideology but it seemed to me an event like a baby shower is a step backwards in womens equality. perhaps I am being over dramatic or perhaps i simply don't understand how an entire room of ladies simultaneously say "awwwwwwwww" at the sight of a small pink dress and enjoy it.

hitch hikers

2008-06-17T14:49:00.002-06:00

I've been spending alot of time in cars driving on highways lately. subsequently, I have seen many hitch hikers. I wonder which hitch hikers are the most effective at getting picked up. there are 3 main types: the ones who just stand (or sit) at the side at the side of the road whom occassionaly put their thumb out in the hopes they get picked up, the ones who are hiking along the highway while holding their thumb out, and the ones who stand at the road while holding out their thumb and have made a sign explaining to drivers where they are going. I brought this question up to a co-worker and we agreed that the ones who are walking would get the most pick-ups because they don't rely on the cars they are getting things done without beling lazy like the sitters and without being demanding like the sign people. Of course, I have absolutely no data to back this up with.

shania

2008-06-13T00:10:00.002-06:00

so I've been working with a young boy these days at work who loves shania twain. I've listened to alot of shania twain lately. Now I have never been a shania twain fan and so have never gone out of my way to listen to her music, buy her albums or anything like that. I don't even listen to the radio stations that would play her. What is bizarre is that as I was listening to shania twain while working with this boy I found myself incredibly knowledgeable about both the lyrics and rhythms of the songs. I knew almost all the words to all the songs. When I thought about it further I found myself thinking about how the only place I ever am guaranteed to hear shania is at weddings. it must be a western canadian thing.

out of body

2008-06-02T23:37:00.002-06:00

so I was walking in downtown kamloops the other day and had about the most out of body experience of my life. as I'm walking a man emerges from behind a building and my immediate thought was as follows "that guy looks like marcus, wait...wow that guy looks like me, did I just think of myself in the third person?" a very strange incident indeed.

watching yourself

2008-05-28T17:04:00.002-06:00

so the dance show was this past week and I thoroughly enjoyed doing it. however, I watched myself in a video do I dance i felt I did fairly well. the problem is I think I look so amateur when I dance. many people feel this way, I know but it doesn't make it better. On another note I did some filming to make a video of dance and I feel it is very inadequate to make the video I want. I will still make it but I don't have enough material I think. oh well. I should stop being so lazy with my blog.

why I dance

2008-05-23T13:28:00.002-06:00

so it is time for the year end dance show this weekend. yesterday was the dress rehearsal and was tremendously invigorating. the biggest reason I love to dance and love to watch dance is for the emotional responses dance can give. when I can feel the emotion of a dance or be sparked with an emotion or best of all spark an emotion within someone else it is rewarding. The emotions vary. whether dance sparks sadness, laughter, hate, or inspires; I love when dance can touch emotionally. One highlight for me was when my tap class took the stage and the crowd liked the dance. the subtle comments to the neighbours, the slight head nods, and the quiet laughter are some very rewarding sounds. the biggest highlight for me yesterday was when a little boy in a beginner hip hop class (whom I've never talked to) came up to me after the dress rehearsal gave me a high five and told me how he enjoyed watching me dance and what a good dancer I was. that is why I dance, and I love it.

almost show

2008-05-19T12:13:00.003-06:00

I know I haven't written in my blog lately. I've been quite busy with a mix of work and dance (which is also work). the year end show is coming up in just a couple of days and it is very exciting. what is more exciting is that my parents are coming down from edmonton to watch me dance. they haven't seen me do any kind of dancing other than tap in about 10 years. It's going to be very exciting. should be good

butlers

2008-05-10T13:39:00.002-06:00

where do butlers come from? I mean, how does one become a butler or find a butler to hire? Does somebody rich just pay a friend to do all the regular butler chores or is there some sort of butler school that hopeful butlers must attend. Or better yet are there a whole series of butler schools where some are obviously better than others. If you were to graduate from the oxford of butler schools does that put you in a better position to work as a higher end butler say for the queen? what would a low end butler job be like? clearly this is a lifestyle I do not know anything about.

thunder piss vol.2.

2008-05-01T14:03:00.002-06:00

my thunder piss (TP) post got quite a bit of attention but I forgot to mention another technique in preventing the TP. One of my personal favorites is to flush while still going. most old toilets take a number of seconds and therefore you can get a good percentage of your bladder disposed of while the toilet is flushing. but be cautious as the flush method is tricky. One of the potential downfalls is if you are rocking some exceptionally yellow urine. this is bad because even if you time it fairly well you may get a yellow tinge in the bowl upon completing which doesn't reflect well, and you of course want to avoid the double flush. the other element of the flush method to be concerned about is your timing. If you go to take a pee pee and engage in the flush method the toilet may be a quick flusher. I have found myself in this predicament when you start the flush and all of a sudden its over and you must double flush. you worry about the double flush because the whole concept of the thunder piss is to be quiet when people are within ear shot. then you have to ask yourself: whats worse, thunder piss or double flush? choose wisely. One benefit of the flush method is that it is something entertaining to watch as you urinate. many time you kind of just stand there gazing into nothingness or you are thinking about how you want to hurry up to get back to whatever you were doing before the bladder was beckoning. give the toilet a flush mid stream and you will have something to do as well as an effective method to avoid the TP. happy peeing

greetings/goodbyes

2008-04-30T13:02:00.003-06:00

we all say it. "nice to meet you" or "pleased to meet you". we use these phrases even when we aren't that pleased. we can be meeting someone for a few seconds and will never see them again and didn't care much for that person in the few seconds and we still will tell the person it was nice to meet them.
so the other day I went to the hospital because a member of my girlfriends family wasn't feeling too well. So upon going to the hospital I realized that there will be a number of family members I haven't met before and so such a phrase was loaded and ready for use. I thought that "nice meeting you" wasn't the best phrase. under the circumstances that I am meeting these people it isn't nice at all. This is a sad moment with people worried about a loved ones health. I didn't end up using the common phrases and just maintained politeness. maybe there are times when the common phrase we don't care to use isn't necessarily true (obviously) or appropriate.

is there a way where there's a will?

2008-04-24T17:26:00.002-06:00

so I finished moving into my new place and my one room mate I saw for the second time the other day. he was quite friendly and asked if I had needed anything or help or whatever. As he was leaving to go to work though he asked me "what do you like being called...just so I know" I simply replied "marcus." very quickly I came to the conclusion that he has never called me by my actual name. in fact this was not a question of preference but rather for him to learn my name. I must give him credit for this was a very original way for someone to subtly ask what your name is. As clever as he had asked I was still slightly offended but it got me thinking. is there a way to ask a name without coming off like an idiot?

We've all been there. the person you are talking to knows your name and you don't know theres. Just to make matters worse it seems liek they are saying your name everyother word similar to a 14 year-old girls saying 'like'. You think of every way possible to get the information whatever way possible just to make the situation less awkward and to cope with your own guilt.

so I have to give my room-mate credit for his creative way of asking. Again, I thought is there an easy way to get such information? I was thinking that honesty is probably the best answer and it would have been best had he swallowed his pride and asked what my name is. when I started to think a bit more critically I didn't think that I would have preferred the honesty policy as I was just so impressed with the way he snuck the question is. he couldn't win, and that's ok because we have all face such situations.

thunder piss

2008-04-16T11:58:00.002-06:00

I try to balance my blog between societies little quirks, my ongoings in life, and the quirks I think up. I realize that I haven't kept it very light-hearted lately so today I direct this particular post to my male readers and will talk about thunder piss.
Being males we have the benefit of standing when we urinate. 95% of the time it is a great feature to have as the convenience of it is wonderful when compared to the forced sit women must endure. The other 5% comes from when you are urinating (while standing) and as you are aiming into the bowl the sheer sound of urine hitting water is quite loud, resulting in what I like to call 'thunder piss'. Now sometimes this isn't a problem at all, in fact maybe you are trying to be loud (for whatever reason). Sometimes the issue comes up where you feel you must urinate quietly, like when there are people just outside the facilities and so you try to be discrete. Now the female readers may think 'why don't you just sit' and the reason we don't just sit is that we are not trained to sit and only urinate, also, sometimes you are mid-stream when you realize you are in a thunder piss situation. If the male in question happens to be a sharp shooter then he may aim for a region in the toilet that is above the water line but below the edge of the bowl, this causes the urine to disperse in a much quieter way. A valuable tip in those awkward situations. this is my tip of the day.

I'm busy!

2008-04-10T16:00:00.002-06:00

When I first moved to kamloops, almost 8 months ago I wasn't sure how things would work out. I wasn't sure how well I would do at making friends, at keeping active, and overall of just enjoying myself. In preparation of any loneliness or sadness I thought I would find things to keep myself busy and basically distract myself from any negative feelings I should have. In general I haven't really experienced any such feelings but I have managed to keep relatively busy. for a while I was dancing 5 days a week. currently I have a lot of 'life' happening. I am in the process of moving, I am in the heart of finals at school, starting a new job, dancing 3 days a week, trying to figure out how I'm going to get my stuff here, trying to figure out a transportation situation for the summer, and being involved in a relationship. I'm busy. it seems that the opposite of what I originally wanted to happen has happened. instead of staying busy to avoid negative feelings they have enhanced them. I'm quite happy here in kamloops but I got a message today from back in edmonton from a person who will remain anonymous basically saying that we don't talk and it seems I don't put in the effort. well, I don't want to fall out of contact with many people so I guess I need to make a bigger effort. there is so much happening!!!!

nice things?

2008-04-07T12:46:00.002-06:00

so in talking with my parents I was hoping that they could hook me up with some nice furniture. my mom had replied to me that I don't need nice things because its just my first place. I am not bitter towards my mother for this and have actually heard this argument many times before, but I'm not sure I understand it. why is it that just because I have a new place (my first 'real' place) that I shouldn't have nice things. do I have some sort of due to pay to society? because I'm young will I some how damage anything that is nice that is put in my possession? I know part of the flip side of this argument but I don't feel like writing it for I choose to be biased today.

cell phone

2008-04-03T14:58:00.001-06:00

I haven't written much on this blog because I was been so busy, and tired, and just mentally fried with everything that has been going on in my life. In moving to my new place I had to supply myself with a new phone so I decided to get a cell phone. I'm not big on cell phones but I'm viewing this purchase as a necessary evil. I'll be back to the more frequent blogging when the school year is over (in a couple of weeks)

swearing

2008-03-28T14:37:00.002-06:00

so I swore in my last blog post. thats right 2 'F' bombs and an 'A' word. I knew I would have a few people say some things about my choice of words but I'm alright with that. as someone who doesn't swear very often I feel that when I swear the emotional impact of my statement is magnified. There are lots of great works in the world whether they be sculptures of art, music lyrics, or pieces of literate that are explicit in some way or another. I knew I would get some flak for swearing but I do not regret my decision, especially when talking of such an emotionally charging topic. I get the keys to my new place in a couple of days

no more rez

2008-03-22T18:51:00.002-06:00

I got a phone call making it official that I have landed a place to move into in a couple of weeks. that means no more residence. which in turn means no more paying for laundry, no more going to a kitchen on different floor that is always dirty, no more having to sign in guests (not that I did that all the time), no more having items that were promised to us taken away like patio chairs, a game room, televisions in the lounges, and bbq, no more smelly elevators, no more random spills and broken glass in the stairwells, and most importantly no more rowdy fucking punk ass teenagers who blast their music and run around the fucking building being inconsiderate assholes. yes, its going to be nice to move out.

temperature of people

2008-03-18T12:20:00.002-06:00

do you ever notice all the different terms we use to describe not only ourselves but each other as well? I noticed some of these terms refer to temperatures. what is funny is that a wide range of temperatures can be used to describe someone and still be very complementary. you can be hot, meaning attractive. you can be warm, meaning you are accepting and comforting. you can be cool, referring to your charisma and style. So there doesn't seem to be much consistency in the temperature terms we use to describe people. We can take this further and see how when we use extremes of temperature as negative terms. if someone is boiling chances are they are dealing with some extreme rage and is someone is described as cold chances are they aren't going to be very emotional or considerate of feelings. I wonder how someone would react if you called them room temperature. bad example I know.

feeling the age

2008-03-17T18:22:00.002-06:00

so it is spring break. today I was walking through campus and I really felt my age. now I'm only 22, so I'm not old at all. I saw a group kindergarten children and they were playing the favorite childhood game of jackpot and I fondly remembered playing that very game many years ago. Later in the day I was walking to my room and saw a bunch of high school kids getting a tour of residence (part of me wanted to tell them not to live here because it sucks) and I even looked at these kids as though I was quite removed. this was especially meaningful for me as I seem to be experiencing high doses of 'life' lately, stay posted.

new place

2008-03-15T16:26:00.002-06:00

my search has effectively began for a new place to live. residence was never my first choice to live and now that I have the opportunity to live elsewhere I am taking that opportunity. I have contacted a number of people and am going to check out my first place tonight. all I'm looking for is really just a place with a couch and a stove. that'll be sweet.

going organic?

2008-03-12T15:56:00.002-06:00

in the ongoing attempt to make oneself better I've decided to buy organic produce where possible. I'm constantly being told about how much damage there is in buying the regular food mass grown, mass shipped, and covered in mass amounts of chemicals. although I knew this all to be true I still bought regular produce, after all, I've been raised on it and most everybody eats it. A couple of weeks ago I decided to try out organic and bought a simple head of lettuce. I had heard about how organic food might not look as good but tastes much better. so with my new head of lettuce I decided to of course eat it. I noticed that the head although smaller, had much thicker lettuce, didn't go bad as quickly, and tasted a bit (not a huge differences but noticeably) better. these all seemed like good reasons to continue to buy organic, in addition to not ingesting chemicals. so when I went grocery shopping today I decided to buy all my produce organic (lettuce, apples, peppers, bananas etc.) Just had an apple which is the best apple I have had in a long time. will I permanently convert to organic? maybe. I would encourage any readers of this blog to at least attempt to try organic foods, or do some research on it.

the manners of poop

2008-03-11T12:22:00.002-06:00

I had a good chat with a couple people the other day about public etiquette, especially that pertaining to public washrooms. I got onto the topic of pooping in public. why is it the norm (this has been confirmed for both males and females) that when pooping in public you have to be as quiet as possible. this seems bizarre to me, who cares if you shoot out a big farter? Its like you aren't aloud to cough, fart, talk or make any noise in fact I think people even try to pull on the toilet paper so it doesn't make noise. are we ashamed of the evil demons coming out of our bodies? have I talked about this before? this is my 200th post with many more to come

being watched

2008-03-06T11:32:00.002-07:00

One of the absolutely best things about being on stage is having people come out to watch you perform. I was fortunate for both my numbers this past week to have a number of people come out and watch. It's just fantastic when people come because it can say so much. I wasn't doing huge productions so it was definitely not an expectation that people show up. All the support took hours (as both days were running real late) out of their day to watch 3 minutes of dance. By coming they imply that they care about us as people and are interested in seeing what we can do for dance. It's very heart warming to have people want to come out and support you. I especially felt nice because most of the people that have come out I haven't known more than a few months, how dance can bring us together.

lyrical

2008-03-04T22:15:00.003-07:00

I performed a lyrical routine for the first time today, ever. I was excited to perform it because it was not only a first but we had competition in our routine. The people we were up against were very good so I knew that we would have to bring our best to the stage. We ended up tying in second place but lost out to some very formidable opponents. Overall we felt very good about our performance, despite a few small mistakes. It has been quite the journey for stacy and I in doing this number and I will hold very fond memories of my first lyrical dance. The one bad thing is that I peeled a bunch of skin on mu hip trying to do a slide on the stage. It has been hurting all night.

jazz again

2008-03-03T21:30:00.002-07:00

as you may know, when I got back into dance after many years off I only went back into tap before this year in which I decided to take on many styles. this evening I performed a jazz duet for the first time since I think 1999. it went alright, not as clean as it could have been but it could have been so much worse. the real clencher in the dance is near the end when we attempt the dance seen in the movie 'dirty dancing'. we haven't successfully accomplished the lift but we had the adrenaline going this evening. so when cat (my partner) jumped I was able to lift her up high above my head. the problem is maintaining that position. I held that position but for whatever reason I arched my back and some things shifted. My back cracked and it instantly seized up. My back hurts right now and I'm going to have to take some action so that I can perform a lyrical duet tomorrow. oh ya, I've never done lyrical in my life.

stuck

2008-03-01T13:17:00.002-07:00

mere moments after writing the previous post I was going to drive my friends car to dance. So I hopped in the car turned it on and as I go to back out I got stuck. This I found very funny because I was talking about how great the weather is and then I get stuck which traditionally happens in horrible weather situations. I didn't get stuck because of a large amount of snow but rather because so much snow had melted leaving the earth on which the car was parked extremely soft. kind of ironic.
life is getting very busy and I hope it is going to get busier as I must very realistically find a job, no more excuses after tuesday in which I will have performed a couple of dances that were taking some of my extra time. then I'm going to have to find a place to live. (sigh) hopefully I can still keep up with my blog.
oh and its my sisters birthday today, I'll have to drink a beer in her honor.